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Weekend Primer

Your guide to the weekend, SIOC style.

Implode the University of CharlestonEver wanted to blow up a building? Thanks to the magic of eBay, now you can. This weekend, the University of Charleston will sell the honor of pushing the button that implodes a campus building. The bidding is already over -- $3,060, plus $4.95 for shipping. It's nice to know the school is obeying the eBay rule which requires you to scam on shipping regardless of the circumstances.

3rd Annual March Madness Against Blindness, University of MichiganMichigan alum Myron Hepner is a genius. He's turned watching 12-straight hours of college basketball into a commendable act of charity. For the third consecutive year, Hepner will raise money for the Kellogg Pediatric Ophthalmology Clinic by watching all 32 first-round games. What a trooper. I'll also be watching every single first-round game, so if anybody out there would rather donate money to a different cause, feel free to do it in honor of my sacrifice.

Men's Basketball: Division III Championship Game, Salem, Va., 4 p.m.Reason No. 34 to love D-III Basketball: The seemingly arbitrary, yet mathematically interesting 60-team tournament.

Reason No. 35 to love D-III Basketball: D3hoops.com

Reason No. 36 to love D-III Basketball: Many teams have free pizza at their games. When was the last time an ACC school did that?

NCAA Wrestling Championships, St. Louis, MOMinnesota, Oklahoma State and Iowa have won every title since 1989. No. 2 Cornell and No. 3 Iowa State look to upset the top-ranked Hawkeyes and put an end to that interesting factoid.

"Saturday Night Special," Bristol Motor SpeedwayAmong the celebrities participating in this special 50-lap race are Virginia Tech coach Frank Beamer and North Alabama coach Tommy Bowden. Apparently, after suffering a setback is his chase for the most college football wins (getting fired from Clemson), Bowden has now set his sights on winning the most celebrity auto races. It's also worth noting that Beamer's expertise in special teams carries over to NASCAR. His pit crew can re-fuel in less than three seconds.

NCAA Fencing Championships, Penn State UniversityFor students at No. 1 Notre Dame, No. 2 Penn State and No. 4 Ohio State, the results of this event could provide important ammo for defending their schools' athletic reputations on blog comment threads.

Women's Hockey: NCAA Frozen Four Final, Boston University, 12 p.m.No. 1 Wisconsin, No. 2 Minnesota and No. 5 Minnesota-Duluth are the only teams who have won a Division I Women's Hockey title. Joining them in this weekend's Frozen Four are the No. 3 Mercyhurst Lakers. I think it's safe to say the Lakers will be a crowd favorite.

An Evening With Dennis Miller, University of Arizona, 6:30 p.m.Selection Sunday was the most nerve-racking moment for Tucson since the Battle of Picacho Pass. Being snubbed from "The Dance" would have been more embarrassing than former Wildcat Bob Dole's presidential campaign. Fortunately, the Wildcats earned the bid, and the state was more relieved than a former Presidio soldier after the end of the 1886 Arizona Native American hostilities. (Thus concludes my impression of a Dennis Miller stereotype riffing on Arizona.)

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