As far as I know, I'm retired. (Not!) No, seriously, bro, I'm just down here watching
They got me under house arrest here in Hampton for two months; all I can say is: Thank God for
Looked in the mirror today and said to myself, "You are retired." (Not!) Sure, I have a partially torn biceps muscle, but like I was telling my agent,
People wonder if I still got pep in my step. I got a one-word answer for that: Sure do! Heck,
I just told Bus -- you keep telling them I'm fishin' in Mississippi, I'll keep driving the jeep to the Twin Cities.
For show, I'm starting a $10-an-hour construction job next week. This one I'm mailing in -- they'd have to add a zero to that hourly wage before Michael Vick does any heavy lifting.
Didn't we have a ball in that Packers-Falcons playoff game Jan. 4, 2003? Well, you had a ball -- you owe me one, buddy.
The commissioner says I have to show remorse. What, the NFL moved its offices from New York City to Vatican City? I did some bad [expletive] with dogs, but there are a whole lot of players in this league that do some bad [expletive] with people every single week. How come they don't have to go kiss
My throwing shoulder's getting worse, but the bottom line is --
You know, I was in the joint for only 18 months, and when I get out, Madden
You just reminded me -- I wonder if it's too late to get on the cover of Madden NFL 10.
A. One, I'm not an expert at anything. Two, I am now 1 for 3 at marriage, which makes me the
A. Indeed, I'd be more impressed if she had figured out how to speed up the game.
A. A splash of swagger and a dash of Metamucil, and I'm good to go for 24 hours.
Q. Is it true that the latest pitcher acquired by the woeful Washington Nationals was appraised by Antiques Roadshow as having a value of $1,575? (
A. Pay the man, Shirley.