Help dad put a bag on
Sunday is the day we all traditionally render unto Caesar, so if you're at a loss for the perfect gift for your paternal unit on Father's Day, may we suggest the humble paper bag.
Long prized by fans of downtrodden teams as statement apparel, a bag can add a touch of style to your dad's stadium or arena attire even if he roots for a winner or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Exhibit A is the item on the right, lovingly created by this space's teenaged male offspring . . . for his girlfriend's dad.
Clearly the lad has thoughts of a career in design -- as well as designs on his girlfriend -- but we digress. Note the personal touch: a facial likeness of the papa in question that flips open to reveal a screaming mouth that can be equipped with eyeholes for watching the horror unfold on the field.
The New York Mets are the adornment here not so much for their losing -- they were 32-29 as of this writing -- but for their status as Son's Girlfriend's Father's Favorite Team. However, in all frankness, this space has seen morphine addicts move faster from home plate to first base or in pursuit of fly balls than Mets of recent seasons, so bags may be in order if they pull another epic late-season el-fold-o.
Yes, these brown beauties are rugged, affordable, and can be customized for any team. What's more, the sandwich-sized variety make great handpuppets -- perfect for entertaining the sullen family on long car rides or over the cold gruel of Father's Day dinner.
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Impossible, you say? Perhaps. According to the great physicist