Sunday is the day we all traditionally render unto Caesar, so if you're at a loss for the perfect gift for your paternal unit on Father's Day, may we suggest the humble paper bag.
Long prized by fans of downtrodden teams as statement apparel, a bag can add a touch of style to your dad's stadium or arena attire even if he roots for a winner or a reasonable facsimile thereof. Exhibit A is the item on the right, lovingly created by this space's teenaged male offspring . . . for his girlfriend's dad.
Clearly the lad has thoughts of a career in design -- as well as designs on his girlfriend -- but we digress. Note the personal touch: a facial likeness of the papa in question that flips open to reveal a screaming mouth that can be equipped with eyeholes for watching the horror unfold on the field.
The New York Mets are the adornment here not so much for their losing -- they were 32-29 as of this writing -- but for their status as Son's Girlfriend's Father's Favorite Team. However, in all frankness, this space has seen morphine addicts move faster from home plate to first base or in pursuit of fly balls than Mets of recent seasons, so bags may be in order if they pull another epic late-season el-fold-o.
Yes, these brown beauties are rugged, affordable, and can be customized for any team. What's more, the sandwich-sized variety make great handpuppets -- perfect for entertaining the sullen family on long car rides or over the cold gruel of Father's Day dinner.
There's an old saying that dying is easy, comedy is hard. If you need proof, take a gander at the remains of
Letterman's hah-hahs about
No matter where you sit on this issue, you can be offended by the fact that the "humor" in each instance -- like
Times are tough and lawd knows we're all scrambling for new revenue streams. So in the selfless spirit of civic service, a smelting enterprise called Cash4Gold has graciously put out the call for precious scrapmetal and is even suggesting that the newly-minted NHL champions have the Stanley Cup melted down for drinking money.
"The Pittsburgh Penguins prevailed in a great series, and I don't expect the team to send the Stanley Cup to Cash4Gold," ever-realistic CEO
You heard the man. Drinks are on the house. But hey, who knows? Penguins captain
This wave of the future moved reader
There's a wise old bumper sticker to the effect of "It takes leather balls to play rugby" and the good folks way down yonder in New Zealand certainly lend proof to that statement. In what has to be one of the most squirrely sporting events on the planet, the
This space is a big proponent of facial foliage (for obvious reasons), but not since the great
And now let us pause to gawk at one of nature's natural wonders: the portal on your right that bends the space-time continuum in order to deliver your thoughts, insults and spam to the proprietor of this unholy column in far-flung New York City.
Impossible, you say? Perhaps. According to the great physicist