Where have you been, dude? The last time we crossed paths, you were about to make soccer the biggest thing in America since karaoke. Seems like a funny thing happened on the way to the Home Depot Center -- I guess you ran into traffic.
So you're back this week for a half-season farewell tour. But how can you say goodbye when you really never said hello? We both work and reside in Los Angeles -- well, I don't really work -- but, frankly, I see
I don't understand this business of a player being "on loan" to another team in another league. Does
And I'm supposed to get excited because you're back in an L.A. Galaxy uniform this week? No, sir. I live by an old expression: Fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on ESPN.
(Yeah, I remember when you made your Galaxy debut two years ago against Chelsea. ESPN used 19 cameras that day; if they had used 20, I would've expected you to walk on water.)
The way I see it, you've just pulled off one of the greatest scams in U.S. history. You signed a massive five-year contract, you took a lot of money from a lot of people and, in the end, you were pretty much a marketing mirage.
As someone who spends a little time in Beverly Hills, I'll tell you this, Becks: The Olsen twins have had a bigger impact around town than you have.
(I'd also say that the most interesting man in the world -- that debonair Dos Equis bon vivant -- has had a bigger impact on most American lives than you have.)
Let's review your time here:
You came. You saw. You got out of your contract. And then you went back to Europe.
Maybe you should've tried Las Vegas -- it suits
Because of prior commitments and injuries, you're going to end up playing three partial seasons in Major League Soccer. Because of previous commitments and disinterest, I've never played a single second in MLS -- and I have as many playoff appearances as you do.
In 2007, you had no goals and two assists and the Galaxy finished with the league's third-worst record, 9-14-7. In 2008, you had five goals and 10 assists and the Galaxy tied for the league's worst record, 8-13-9
(Neverland is for sale. Why don't you buy it and rename it Neverscore?)
By the way, here's the difference between you and
I just wish you had given us more of a chance. Sure, AC Milan is a great club, but the Italian food in Los Angeles is just as good as the Italian food in Milan.
(Exception: Olive Garden.)
I read in
The Waldorf-Astoria? What, suddenly you're the Duke of Windsor? If the Sheraton is good enough for
In your defense, though you didn't change the face of soccer in America, I understand that when you did play on the road in MLS, you put a lot of fans in the stands. The problem was, the week after you left, those fans didn't come back to watch the Columbus Crew.
Anyway, thanks for coming.