Another year of golf, another year-end golf quiz. Thought you were going to dodge this bullet? You thought wrong. Here it is, the Real Golfer's Quiz, your test to see if you were paying attention in 2004. Sure, you probably remember esoterica like who won the British Open (Todd Hamilton), who lost the PGA Championship playoff (Justin Leonard and Chris DiMarco) and who said Americans were stupid (Paul Casey). See what you recall about the following crucial all-important events of the past golf year. Good luck and please, no crying.
1. At a gala fund-raiser for cancer in the Pittsburgh area last month, what did gala chairman Henry Hillman say about attendee Greg Norman?
a. "Every time I see him, I think I'm going to get a wig and start Botox treatments." b. "Women want him, fish fear him -- what more can you ask for in life?" c. "I don't want to say his new boat is big, but two Navy F-18s tried to land on it last week." d. "Have you heard what's on the top of Greg's Christmas list? Rhode Island."
2. Who said he hopes to create "the greatest developmental mini-tour in the country" based in Las Vegas, with a $25,000 entry fee for all 15 regular-season tournaments, and let it be named it after himself?
a. Tiger Woods b. Phil Ivey c. Alice Cooper d. Butch Harmon
3. What did 14-year-old Ashleigh Simon say after she won the South African Women's Open by one shot in March?
a. "I'd like to dedicate this victory to the Olsen twins." b. "I don't know how I'm going to celebrate this because I'm too young to do anything." c. "I can't stay for the awards banquet -- my mum says I have to be home by 8:00." d. "I'm sorry -- who's Michelle Wie?"
4. Who was the winning captain of the inaugural Tommy Bahamas Challenge (a four-man team event that will air Jan. 1)?
a. David Feherty b. Gary McCord c. Joseph Hazelwood d. Tommy Hilfiger
5. Dave Smith, a 15-handicapper and an insurance salesman from Cleveland was the highest bidder in an auction to play with Tiger Woods in the Buick Invitational pro-am at Torrey Pines and when he told his wife how much he spent, he said, "She didn't talk to me for four days and she was mad at me for another 10." How much was Smith's winning bid?
a. $11,500 b. $18,000 c. $27,000 d. $50,000
6. An ad for an American Standard toilet boasts that it can successfully flush 29 golf balls at once. What is the name of this toilet model?
a. Jumping Jack Flush b. Golden Bear c. The Champion d. The TPC
7. Who did Curt Schilling, appearing on The Golf Channel last January shortly after he joined the Boston Red Sox, promise to visit "after the Red Sox win the World Series"?
a. David Leadbetter b. Brad Faxon c. Jeff Julian d. The winner of Big Break II
8. While discussing the latest version of his video golf game, Tiger Woods told late-night talk-show host Conan O'Brien that game-players can create a video golfer "who looks like you or..." Or what?
a. "One who won't scare small children." b. "One who looks like Jay Leno and actually has game." c. "One who looks like a stud." d. "One who drives a Buick."
9. Who presented LPGA star Tammie Green when she was inducted into the Ohio Golf Hall of Fame?
a. Johnny Bench b. Barbara Nicklaus c. Woody Held d. Jamie Farr
10. What new hazard was added to the driving range at Canada's Yellowknife Golf Club in June?
a. Live missile dropped by a Canadian Air Force jet fighter b. Lake with floating greens c. Attack geese d. Gold mining quarry
11. What did Paul Azinger say the day he was inducted into the Brevard Community College Hall of Fame and was told that a scholarship would be offered in his name?
a. "Is it a requirement that you graduate?" b. "Is my daughter eligible for that?" c. "If you have to be able to break 80, I wouldn't have been able to earn it when I started college." d. "Nick Faldo is never going to believe this."
12. What did a veterinarian find in the stomach of a sick German shepherd in Manchester, England?
a. 28 golf balls b. His golf glove c. Tiger Woods action figure d. Two tickets to the Ryder Cup
13. Who wore the green jacket to bed on the Sunday night that Phil Mickelson won the Masters?
a. Phil Mickelson b. Jim (Bones) McKay c. Amy Mickelson d. David Letterman
FOURSOME ANSWERS: 1-a. 2-d. 3-b. 4-b. 5-b. 6-c. 7-c. 8-c. 9-d. 10-a. 11-b. 12-a. 13-c.
Match the quote to the person who said it. (Hint: Use one name twice.)
1. "People go to hockey games to watch fights, NASCAR races to see wrecks and watch golf on TV to see what Johnny Miller is going to say next."
2. "In every other event, they give you fruit and water on the tee. At the Ryder Cup, they give you fruit, water and barf bags."
3. "I had one shank and now you're comparing me to David Duval?"
4. "His (Craig Parry's) swing would probably make Ben Hogan puke."
5. "The American team played for their country but we played for each other. There is a massive difference."
6. "I thank the media and the fans for pushing Hal Sutton to pick me, but I think it kind of pissed him off."
7. "I don't know why they (Masters officials) didn't just add Hooters to the list (of 2005 tournament sponsors)."
8. "I probably had more fun out there today than you guys (writers) are ever going to have in a whole year."
a. Johnny Miller b. Darren Clarke c. Martha Burk d. Vijay Singh e. Colin Montgomerie f. John Daly g. Jim Furyk
MATCH PLAY ANSWERS: 1-g. 2-a. 3-b. 4-a. 5-e. 6-f. 7-c. 8-d.
Answer yes or no. Did Tiger...
1. Call Butch Harmon? 2. Get back together for lessons with Butch Harmon? 3. Win a match-play tournament on the PGA Tour? 4. Win a stroke-play tournament on the PGA Tour? 5. Keep alive 133-event streak of playing on weekend? 6. Keep alive 264-week streak ranked No. 1 in world? 7. Stay paired with Phil Mickelson after losing first two Ryder Cup matches? 8. Train with Army Rangers for three days? 9. Hit drives into Arabian Gulf for troops aboard aircraft carrier U.S.S. Washington? 10. Hit drives into more than 58 percent of fairways? 11. Average over 300 yards off tee for first time in career? 12. Finish out of top three on money list for first time in career?
TIGER WATCH ANSWERS: 1-Yes. 2-No. 3-Yes. 4-No. 5-Yes. 6-No. 7-No. 8-Yes. 9-Yes. 10-No. 11-No. 12-Yes.
28-33 ... Caddyshack 20-27... Tin Cup 13-19 ... Follow the Sun 7-12 ... Happy Gilmore 2-6 ... Legend of Bagger Vance 0-1... Caddyshack II