Let's play The Name Game
I fear for the day when my son reaches the age where he's old enough to love watching college football, but not old enough to have any sense besides that little kid common sense that slices through all the malarkey like a samurai blade through a lemon meringue pie. Because I know this question is coming.
"Daddy, why does the Big Ten have 12 teams and the Big 12 have 10 teams?"
Hopefully, the leagues will expand -- or contract -- again before I have to explain this numerical conundrum. At this point, I have two options. I can launch into a soliloquy about how Lincoln had a secretary named Kennedy and Kennedy had a secretary named Lincoln and then offer him some ice cream to further distract him. Or I can tell him the whole sordid tale and hope he falls asleep.
Because there really is no answer I can offer that won't lead him to the same conclusion: The people who run college sports can't count.
This may sound silly, and lord knows enough hacks in my field have
The Big 12 could use rebranding as well. The league nearly imploded. Even without squeaky wheel Nebraska, its membership puts the func in dysfunctional. It's time to wipe the slate clean. If that wasn't obvious before, it certainly was Tuesday when Missouri athletic director
No one in the conference should listen to Alden. Missouri officials wanted to leave the most. The Tigers only crawled back after the Big Ten failed to invite them. Texas president
(Notice I have yet to mention the Pac-10, which has added Colorado and will add Utah. In 1978, the Pac-8 added Arizona and Arizona State and changed its name to reflect its membership. I have faith in the folks out west to do the sensible thing this time as well.)
To be fair, Big Ten commissioner
Twenty years later, Delany can take the lead on this issue. The simplest solution would be to call Big 12 commissioner
Failing that, we're just going to have to come up with some new names for the conferences. Here are a few suggestions.
• The Big Eleven. Hey, being off by one worked for 20 years.
• The Cyberdyne Conference. If the current financial projections are correct, the Big Ten Network will continue to grow until it develops Skynet, which will one day become self-aware and ... I won't spoil the ending for you.
• Bevo and Pals. Because it sounds so much nicer than Texas and the Nine Dwarfs or -- thanks to
• The Heartland Conference. It's perfect. It's also taken. The last thing Beebe and company need is a protracted legal fight against
• The Marriage of Convenience. In less formal parlance, the MC Conference.
I'd welcome any better ideas, but something needs to be done. Inaccurate numerical nomenclature has turned collegiate sports into the laughingstock of the athletic community. It's time the leaders of the offending conferences took action.
We know they can count their money. Now they should prove they can count their member schools.