Thursday November 3rd, 2011

The marriage of Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries effectively ended after 72 days, shocking those of us who thought it would last at least 90. It was a storyboard marriage. I mean storybook. Right. Anyway, we must ask, whether we want to or not:

What went wrong here? Who could have seen this coming?

Can we learn something from this stunning development? I certainly hope so. Young athletes out there: I would hate for you to make the same mistakes when you marry a Kardashian. And eventually, you will all marry a Kardashian. It's in your league's new collective bargaining agreement.

Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries seemed like a perfect couple, straight out of a 1950s Hollywood film: high school sweethearts who met at a church function, went off to college on opposite coasts, remained faithful to each other and finally got married back in their hometown before a gathering of friends and family. I may have some of the details wrong there, but the point remains: They are a man and a woman who met.

From an early age, Mr. Humphries had problems sharing. Early in his lone season in college, at the University of Minnesota, he passed the ball to a teammate, and he never made THAT mistake again. Humphries scored 21.7 points and averaged 0.7 assists per game. Despite Humphries' offensive game, or perhaps because of it, the Golden Gophers finished 12-18, including a 3-13 record in the Big Ten.

Kardashian, meanwhile, made a name for herself in the hypercompetitive field of making a name for herself. I believe when Humphries got engaged, he told his family: "She's a sweetheart, the love of my life. Don't type her name into Google."

So what went wrong? Or as that wise old marriage counselor Sam Malone once asked: "Why do bad things happen to good-looking people?"

Sources close to Twitter indicate that people who have never met either of them think this was just a sham marriage. Hey, that's good enough for me. The theory is that Kardashian and Humphries got married for the attention and millions of dollars they could make off the wedding. I love how the only people who make money off their weddings are really rich people. The rest of us get soaked.

There are many people saying the wedding was a publicity stunt. There is also speculation that the divorce was a publicity stunt.

I suppose I'm more of an old-fashioned romantic than most, but I hope both the wedding and the divorce were publicity stunts. I hope they get back together, then separate, and keep doing it over and over until their entire relationship is like one of those restrooms with mirrors on opposite walls, so you just see mirrors forever -- and they can't figure out if they got together so they could be apart, or if they couldn't stand being apart and had to be together.

Of course, I don't actually know what happened. But I'm going to go way out on a limb and say the marriage was influenced, at least little tiny bit, by the fact that Kardashian's entire life has become a reality TV show. Even when she isn't on TV, she is out getting publicity for it, just by living. It's such a frenetic pace that I bet even the Kardashians struggle to keep up with the Kardashians.

Maybe that's the lesson here. When your life is a reality show, at some point you can't tell the difference between reality and show. And what we end up with is a journeyman NBA player marrying a star with no discernible talent and breaking up 72 days later. Was it real or fake? I have no idea. I wonder if they do.

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