Tale of the Tape
SI.com's Cory McCartney sizes up the pitcher versus the action star
 
Roger Clemens
Bruce Willis
Age
4452
Also known as
RocketBruno, or awkward third wheel to Ashton and Demi
Real first name
WilliamWalter
Latest accomplishment
Won 350th gameFinished No. 2 behind a rat (Ratatouille) at the box office
Worst career move
Coming back this season? (Clemens is 2-3 with a 4.26 ERA.)Tie between Hudson Hawk and his musical career with the Accelerators.
Significant other
Wife, DebraRumored to be dating Courtney Love.
Catchphrase
"I'm retired""Yippie-Kai-Yay [expletive]"
Infamous run-in with
Mike PiazzaPaparazzi photographer
Known as/but really
Texan but is actually from OhioNew Jersey guy but was born in Germany
TV "He did what?" moment
Clucked like a chicken on The SimpsonsWore this indescribable orange suit on Letterman.
Early signs of greatness
In 1986 won 24 games, AL MVP and the first of seven Cy Youngs.Moonlighting ... along with this bizarre Seagrams commercial.
Thinks Armageddon is ...
Nothing compared to the current feelings around the sagging Yankees clubhouse.A movie he starred in.
Famous friend
Andy PettitteP Diddy
Choice in kids' names
Strikeout savant gave all his children "K" names (Koby, Kory, Kacy, Kody).The founder of the school of wacky celebrity baby names dubbed his daughters Rumer, Scout and Tallulah.
Should retire
Yearly, because really, life's less meaningful without the "where will Roger end up" debate?After he puts the cap on his career-defining role ... as Mikey in Look Who's Talking.
 

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