1 Barry Bonds

On behalf of a beleaguered and well-traveled media group waiting for this drawn out nightmare to end: Just hit the damn ball over the fence a couple more times so we can all move on with our lives.

2 Kevin Garnett

"The Big Ticket" goes to Beantown and suddenly the Celtics go from being the worst team in the NBA to a title contender with the best trio of players in one starting lineup. Somewhere in Los Angeles Kobe Bryant is telling anyone who will listen that he wants to get traded now more than ever.

3 David Beckham

So much for revolutionizing the game of soccer. The only thing Becks has done is make people wonder why they paid so much money for tickets to see the league's most hyped player sitting in street clothes on the bench or in a suite. It's almost enough to make you want watch a Spice Girls reunion concert instead.

4 O.J. Simpson
He spends an hour being interviewed by an internet site, which takes questions from a "virtual" audience. During the interview Simpson practically brags that he raised his kids by himself. Yeah, and why is that, again??

5 Jenna Jameson

Tito Ortiz's significant other is club hopping around New York and we can only hope her slender figure saunters over to the Carnegie Deli for the colossal Woody Allen sandwich. While Ortiz plots his next move in the UFC, Jameson is working on a biopic on her life.

6 The Rock

Good thing he left the WWE when he did. Congress probably won't go after actors with the same intensity as athletes and wrestlers. Too bad they can't test for decision-making skills. If so, "The Rock" would surely fail after agreeing to do Shazam!, which sounds a lot like Shaq's failed film Kazaam!.

7 Pacman Jones

In his never ending quest to try to be permanently banished from the NFL, Jones has agreed to join Total Non-Stop Action Wrestling, a pro wrestling promotion in Nashville. So instead of causing a melee by making it rain on strippers, he can drop kick some buffed out dudes in the ring. Yeah, that makes sense.

8 Matt Leinart

Leinart and his baby mama, Brynn Cameron, finally ended their public child support case with Leinart agreeing to pay Cameron $15,000 per month to take care of their 9-month-old son, Cole. It's not all bad for Leinart. He'll host a Super Bowl party in Scottsdale with none other than John Travolta.

9 Michael Vick

Has anyone had a faster fall from grace than Vick? Not only does he have to deal with the legal nightmare of dog fighting allegations, but he won't be getting a check anytime soon after production of his jerseys, shoes and trading cards were suspended by Nike, Reebok and Donruss.

10 Hayden Panettiere

Three words: Three more weeks.

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