|NFL Power Rankings|
Cincinnati Bengals (1-2)Defense and special teams, the one-two punch to the solar plexis. They've gone up on the Seahawks by four with 2:42 left. OK, men, let's hear it, "No Touchdown!" Yeah. Fists raised. Here we go! And poof. Out the left porthole goes the kickoff. Oh, that. Hawks' ball on the 40. OK, uh, men. Seven plays later Seattle has a TD. Still enough time, still enough time, let's go get 'em! Kickoff is fumbled away. Game's over. You see why I don't like these guys against New England?
New York Giants (1-2)The writers are making too much ... braaah! ... out of that locker room ... braaah! ... incident with Antonio Pierce and the ... braaah! ... airhorn. Linda, will you put that damn thing away? You're really getting on my nerves, OK?
New York Jets (1-2)Only two games from now they'll thrash it out, the battle for 22nd place in the rankings, Jets vs. Giants. Yeah, I know, the whole board will change in the course of a week, but what if it somehow doesn't?
St. Louis Rams (0-3)Based on the record they should be lower, but there comes a time when compassion takes over. They lost still another offensive lineman, Mark Setterstrom, and then the topper was Steven Jackson down with a partially torn groin muscle (oooh, that hurts just thinking about it). No nasty letters, please. I've got no axe to grind. I just feel sorry for this team.
Kansas City Chiefs (1-2)Unheralded fact, until last week: The return of Jared Allen, the most dynamic DE in football. Here is his report card against the Vikings -- two sacks, eight tackles, three pressures, two passes batted down and a forced fumble. Will he make the Pro Bowl this year? I doubt it, because it's just a popularity contest, as we know. He'll make my Pro Bowl.
Oakland Raiders (1-2)This is my week for singing about the unsung. Kirk Morrison, middle linebacker. Best I've seen this season, along with my perennial favorite, Zach Thomas.
Cleveland Browns (1-2)It's a tough call, all right. Granted, they did beat the Bengals in that track meet, but I can't put them above the Raiders, right? You say I can, that the timeout before the field goal shouldn't count? Right. Let's move on.
Minnesota Vikings (1-2)Trap No. 2. They're coming off a loss to KC. We're not sure who their quarterback will be. Red-hot Packers coming to town. The line is Green Bay minus 1½. Yeah, but the Pack always has trouble in the Metrodome, you say. Naah, forget it. They've won three of the last four there. That only makes the trap, which means a Viking selection, more enticing. I'm telling you, when I retire in about 30 years I'm going to move to Vegas and get rich playing my trap formula. You'll see.
New Orleans Saints (0-3)The secondary's a problem. Deuce McAlister being out is a problem. Drew Brees coming way down from his immortal season of '06 is a problem. But no problem can compare with the way the offensive line got manhandled by the Titans Monday night. I mean, even the much maligned Texans' unit had a much better showing against these roughnecks.
Miami Dolphins (0-3)Big fourth quarter for Trent Green on Sunday. Idle thought. Wouldn't this 37-year-old former Redskin have done a lot better running the Skins' final assault Sunday than their young guy did?
Buffalo Bills (0-3)Well, my favorite quote of the weekend came out of their New England game. From cornerback Jabari Green, beaten by Randy Moss on a 45-yard TD. "As we say in high school ... I got Mossed."
Atlanta Falcons (0-3)They've got a section marked off in the Georgia Dome called the DeAngelo Hall Memorial Drive, and it stretches from the 20 to the end zone, with three areas, comprising 67 yards, designated as "Scenic Lookout, proceed at your own risk, penalty involved."