|NFL Power Rankings|
Minnesota Vikings (3-5)The old refrain. They put eight in the box and stop the run, so you pass. They drop people back in coverage, you run. But the Chargers must have had everyone crowding up to stop Adrian Peterson in the second half, right? I mean Brooks Bollinger only attempted seven passes. So why didn't this thing work? I guess the formula wasn't designed for talent such as the kind Peterson has.
Chicago Bears (3-5)Bye week last week. Go home. Hang out. Stay out of this mess. We'll call you when we need you.
Baltimore Ravens (4-4)Something horrible has happened to one of the great QB's, Steve McNair. Watching him throwing those teeny-weeny passes against the Steelers. Well, it was like watching a house being built out of Lego blocks. Is his arm really that shot? Then, for God's sake, Billick, get him out of there.
Arizona Cardinals (3-5)From Kurt Warner: "I'm ashamed to be a part of something we just did out there on the field." And didn't even scoop it up.
Philadelphia Eagles (3-5)You know, watching the Dallas-Philly game an hour or so after Indy-New England ended ... wasn't that kind of like watching the semi-final after you're seen the main event?
Atlanta Falcons (2-6)News flash. Atlanta was blacked out for the game. So were the 49ers.
Oakland Raiders (2-6)They say that Sebastian Janikowski's 64-yard try that hit the right upright would have been good from 70. And they can exactly tell that because they have the area precisely marked off in the end zone stands. The white line for 70 yards goes right across the forehead of that guy with the Darth Vader helmet.
Cincinnati Bengals (2-6)Opposing passers collectively have a rating of 100 against Cincy. And that is the kindest thing I can find to say about these masters of malfunction.
San Francisco 49ers (2-6)Well, they've got the Hawks in Seattle next Monday night. And I want to know what the over-under number is; what time our booth trio's attention span goes south and they start talking about the lineup appearing on the show.
New York Jets (1-8)Jimmy and I were having a good, old-fashioned chit-chat about how high the spread's going to be when they play the Patriots in Foxboro on Dec. 16. I mean Belichick runs it up even when he doesn't care. Can you imagine what he'll do to someone who ratted him out to the league? Then we wondered what the highest spread in history was. I placed a call to the MGM Mirage in Vegas. According to Robert Walker, the Director of the Race and Sports Book, the highest anyone can find is Steelers-Bucs in 1976. Pittsburgh was defending Super Bowl champ, the Bucs were first-year expansion babies who finished 0-14. The line was 24. The Steelers won, 42-0. "You know some of the guys here were talking about that Jets-Patriots game," said Scott Ghertner, the Mirage's publicity director, "and they're speculating that the number will be right up around that old Steeler number." We'll see.
Miami Dolphins (0-8)You know, there was some stuff in that Colts-Patriots thing I did that I forgot to mention. When New England lined up in ... OK, Linda, stop staring at me like that. Just having a little fun, honey. Don't take that away from a poor old timer such as me.
St. Louis Rams (0-8)The bottom two teams both had their bye week at the same time. How did the league manage that, anyway?