You’ve seen (and likely disagreed with) the Week 8 Power Rankings. Now the Sour Rankings take a spin through the worst of the past week in the NFL …
10. Jon Gruden just wants to watch football: ESPN's lively color commentator was in rare form during Monday night's Seahawks-Rams game, opening the broadcast by signing Bob Dylan's "Quinn the Eskimo" while breaking down tape of the Rams' Robert Quinn.
During a lengthy delay for a replay review later, ESPN brought its rules expert, former NFL ref Gerry Austin, into the booth. Gruden spent the entirety of Austin's cameo complaining about the break in action, even sniping at Austin, "I bet you like sitting at red lights."
9. Nate Burleson's free pizza: Lions receiver Nate Burleson broke his arm earlier this season when he crashed his car while trying to keep some pizza from falling off the passenger seat. DiGiorno jumped on the unusual marketing opportunity.
Huge S/O to Digiorno Pizza for the year supply of free pizza and the gifts! #ItsNotDeliveryItsDiGiorno… http://t.co/58H6F93luk
— Nathaniel E Burleson (@Nate13Burleson) October 28, 2013
8. Jason Tarver flips the bird: Raiders defensive coordinator Jason Tarver does not get a ton of airtime during most games. Unfortunately for him, CBS' cameras had him front and center Sunday when he flipped a pair of middle fingers toward the officials.
Tarver apologized in a statement released Monday: "I apologize for my action on the sideline of yesterday's game. It was in the heat of the moment, and I regret drawing attention away from the Raiders players and what they accomplished."
The Raiders issued an undisclosed fine to Tarver, who does not face any additional discipline from the NFL. Just use your words next time, Jason.
7. Dolphins cheerleaders' website goes R-rated: The site Dolphinscheerleaders.com is chock full of scantily-clad women in a variety of venues. Some joker decided to kick it up a notch earlier this week, hacking in and redirecting all mobile traffic to a porn site, according to the Palm Beach Post.
When reached for comment, people who saw the glitch all said, "We're fine with it."
6. Darth Carroll: I guess this makes Pete Carroll the Emperor?
.@nflnetwork's @MichelleBeisner with @PeteCarroll pregame interview. Lord Vader was not taking interviews. pic.twitter.com/UB1Oah5QYV
— Seattle Seahawks (@Seahawks) October 28, 2013
5. Never get a judge angry, Von Miller: In the latest Miller off-field miscue, Denver's linebacker -- recently back from a six-game suspension -- showed up to court almost two hours late for a hearing on a traffic ticket.
Miller did not know he was supposed to appear (blame the lawyer!), according to ABC 7 in Denver. But it's worth pointing out that the Arapahoe County court at which his hearing was scheduled is less than a mile from the Broncos' Dove Valley (Colo.) facility.
"The court finds it rather ridiculous he doesn't appear this morning and he's mere blocks away. That's what's made a spectacle of these issues," Magistrate Christina Apostoli said, via ABC 7.
4. The Cleveland Browns' quote walls: As part of a $5 million update to their training facility, the Browns inscribed motivational quotes all over the walls. One problem, pointed out by Deadspin: Most of the quotes are misattributed.
"The more I practice, the luckier I get," attributed here to Gary Player, was actually attributed to another golfer, Jerry Barber, in a book about Gary Player.
A suggestion for the next quote Cleveland should use:
3. A Gronkowski family cartoon: Just what America has been clamoring for, right? Deadspin first revealed that The Gronks is being pitched as an animated series, starring all five of the family's sons and their father. Probably not headed to the Disney Channel with this one ...
2. Tavon Austin's flop: The Rams' rookie has yet to really make an impact statistically, either as a receiver or punt returner. So he tried a new tactic during Monday's game against Seattle (GIF via Guyism):
1. 'Tis the season: NFL fans (mostly) brought their Halloween costume A-games last weekend at stadiums around the league. The jury's still out on a couple players who showed off their holiday getups.
Vikings QB Christian Ponder and his wife, Samantha Steele Ponder, deserve a doff of the cap: They dressed up as Squints and Wendy Peffercorn from The Sandlot. Tom Brady ... went a slightly more embarrassing route.
Dorothy (Gisele) and her Cowardly Lion (Tom Brady) attend a Halloween party: pic.twitter.com/2QyYfPq6B6Does the Cowardly Lion wear Uggs?
— Andy Gray (@si_vault) October 29, 2013