Jess Perez :: David Burton/SI
Not sure what to get that someone special for Valentine's Day? Tired of sleeping with a chronic snorer? Don't worry. SI Swimsuit's resident dating expert, Jess Perez, is here with her weekly dose of relationship advice. To submit a relationship question for Jess, send to SIswimdaily@gmail.com.
Dear Jess: I just started dating a girl and our third date is Valentine's Day. I now realize that a date on Valentine's Day wasn't the smartest idea because I don't want to send too strong a message. Any suggestions on something to do that is fun but not overly romantic? I don't want to come on too strong.
You should plan a specific activity so you're not forced to have a deep conversation for a long time. Maybe go bowling, play pool or go to the movies. But since it is Valentine's day, make sure you bring her something, even if it's just a single rose. If your relationship ends up working out, you don't want her to say, "Remember that time you invited me out on Valentine's day and you didn't acknowledge it at all?"
Dear Jess: It's almost Valentine's Day and I haven't gotten my fiancee anything yet. She isn't a typical girl who's into flowers and jewelry. Any suggestions on what to get her?
I recommend booking a couple's massage. It will help you relax together so that you can get busy later on.
Dear Jess: I have been dating a girl for two or three months, but the last few times I've been to her place her roommate has flirted with me. A lot. To be honest, I'm more into the roommate than the girl I've been dating. Is there any way to switch without coming off like a total jerk?
--Jake, Newtown Square, Pa.
Abort mission! You could be getting yourself into a very messy situation. For one thing, you would be compromising your girlfriend's living situation: you could ruin whatever relationship she has with her current roommate. If you're not that into the girl you are dating, break things off with her now. Maybe you could pursue something with her roommate in a distant future.
Dear Jess: My boyfriend still talks to his ex. I know it isn't physical and I'm not worried about him cheating on me, but I don't like the idea of him still talking to her. Am I being fair if I ask him to choose between her and me?
I don't think it's fair to ask him to make that choice if his ex has played a valuable role in his life. But I also think your boyfriend has to be sensitive to the position you are in. Having really open communication with him is the way to go. You should ask him why he wants to stay in touch with her -- maybe understanding that will make it easier on you. If he's just using her to make you jealous, that's one thing. But if his ex is important to him I suggest trying to understand and accepting it despite how uncomfortable it can be.
Dear Jess: I just finished my sixth date with this girl and it isn't progressing as fast as I want physically. I didn't mind at first, but it's been six dates and I'm only human. How do I bring this up without seeming like a jerk?
--Brad, Hoboken, N.J.
I would ask her if she feels physical chemistry between the two of you. That question will start an open conversation about what exactly has been going on on her end.
Dear Jess: My girlfriend loves working out. Lately she has gotten really into CrossFit and is getting overly muscular. I love that she stays in shape but I don't want to date a girl with bigger muscles than me. Any advice?
--Jimmy, Long Island
I think this is something you're just going to have to accept. Maybe you should get into CrossFit yourself and outgrow her muscles!
Dear Jess: My girlfriend keeps hinting that she wants to spend a weekend at a winery. The only problem is I hate wine. Am I rude by not planning a wine trip?
You have two options: Either do something you hate because the person you love wants to do it, or tell the person you love you don't love her enough to go to a winery with her. Seems like an easy choice. This would be something nice to plan for her birthday, when the celebration is supposed to be about her. Maybe that would help you be a good sport about it.
Dear Jess: My husband snores. Like really loud. I love everything else about him, but it's getting to the point where I can't sleep in the same room. How do I nicely move to another bedroom?
--Amanda, New York City
I can't stand snoring. I would move him into another bedroom ASAP.
Dear Jess: I have a crush on a girl who (objectively speaking) is much better looking than I am. Not that I'm ugly, but it seems like every time we hang out, she gets hit on. She's really nice to me, laughs at all my jokes and we get along really well. I want to ask her out but don't want to mess up the friendship. What should I do?
--Bruce, Springfield, Mass.
I've had a lot of friendships in my life where I've suddenly been blindsided and discovered that my friend "wants more than a friendship." Honestly, girls are good at getting what they want. If she's interested in you and she's used to getting attention from men then she
will make the first move. Otherwise, I say keep her as a friend and if it becomes too hard on you then distance yourself from her.