We Asked Nine Women To Assess Sepp Blatter's Physical Appearance. They Obliged.
FIFA president and known charmer Sepp Blatter recently drew himself a nice bath of hot water when he referred to a female candidate for a position on FIFA's executive committee as "good and good-looking". What the riled masses seem to be forgetting is that appraisal is a two-way street. We know Blatter isn't particularly good. But is he good-looking? Nine well-qualified women weigh in.
Ian Walton || Getty Images
SARAH WALKER
Writer for McSweeney's and Funny or Die
Twitter: @swalks
There are very few men who are evil and powerful enough to pull off the Mr. Burns "excellent" pose so flawlessly, and there's something super hot about that. Or maybe he's actually doing an impression of Mr. Burns and he's really funny! Any way you slice it, he's a keeper! (Goalie joke).
VERDICT: Good-looking.
Daniel Berehulak || Getty Images
EDITH ZIMMERMAN
Founding editor of The Hairpin
Twitter: @edithzimmerman
He seems to have lovely skin tone and looks healthy and content. I hope he is. I like the crinkles around his eyes, and I like his simple hairstyle. I'm not crazy about the tie, but it's also not bad. If I were an older man, I'd be happy to look this way. I hope he's having a nice day.
VERDICT: Good-looking.
Harold Cunningham || Getty Images
JENA FRIEDMAN
Former Letterman writer, current Daily Show producer, stand up comic
Twitter: @JenaFriedman
I'm a sucker for misogynists with kind eyes—but when only one of the eyes looks kind while the other looks like it's having a stroke, I'm slightly less intrigued. That being said, it's been a long time since I've felt anything for anyone.
VERDICT: Mr. Blatter is totally good-looking!!
CAITLIN KIERNAN
Beauty director for Life & Style Weekly
Twitter: @CaitKiernan
I'm sure he was a looker when he had a full head of hair and collagen in his skin. The positive is that he doesn't burn the eyes and if he had some off-shore accounts, I'd date him.
VERDICT: On the border, but better looking than super-ugly.
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ILIZA SHLESINGER
Host of Excused, Winner of Last Comic Standing, Mother of Dragons
Twitter: @iliza
Your hand looks like the shrimp hand from the dinner party scene in Beetlejuice. Even your name makes you sound like a Marvel villain.
VERDICT: Not good-looking.
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LAURA LANE
Editor at Life & Style and In Touch Weekly
Twitter: @LauraLaneNYC
He's definitely going for the "I'm balding on top so I should grow it long in the back," and I can appreciate the effort. The navy blue suit and tie brings out his ... eyes? Wait, maybe they're brown.
VERDICT: Not good-looking.
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JENNIFER WRIGHT
Editor at Large of TheGloss
Twitter: @JenAshleyWright
What I like is the way the sheen from his tie picks up the gleam of his moon-like forehead. Shine on, mountainous bald patch, shine on forever! You have every right to look pleased with yourself, you glowing moon-head.
VERDICT: Good looking!
PIUS UTOMI EKPEI || AFP || Getty Images
BRIDEY ELLIOT
Actress, writer, comedian
Twitter: @brideylee
A Haiku:
Eyes like black pebbles
Dimples so careless and free
But a bent finger
VERDICT: NOT GOOD-LOOKING.
NIKKI GLASER
Host of MTV's Nikki & Sara LIVE
Twitter: @nikkiglaser
Those are the hands of a man who's built a sex dungeon.
VERDICT: