Designated Read: A flogging for ev'ry Tressel

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Boss like a bawse. Who wants to start their morning off with a blogger parodying 2 Live Crew parodying Springsteen, to the detriment of the NCAA? Everybody, right? Watch the "Banned in the NCAA" video and download the (astonishingly SFW) mp3 at SportsGrid. A modest sample:

Well don’t believe a word of this joker’s lies

You can see that he’s a sucka when you look in his eyes

Just_ when they were finished Tresselin’ tattoos

Now investigation’s comin’ right back to da U

Death penalty for coaches?  Tony Barnhart doesn't mean what you might think he means from his headline, but it's only a matter of time until somebody suggests caning Larry Coker, right?

Stockpile canned cheese products and salsa early this holiday season. With the NFL back in place, the Fiesta Bowl skitters back from the unfashionably late date of January 5 to January 2, where it will cap off a BCS doubleheader following the Rose Bowl.

The Lesser Mountaineers are already being courted by a slavering WAC. Appalachian State recommends a move to Division I-A, making its next impending upset of a sleepwalking Big Six team marginally less mortifying.

A rare feat for any program: bragging about losing to Texas. USC celebrates the nation's second-largest HD video board.

This is not news. No, the Cam Newton investigation is not over, because recalling the words of Julie Roe Lach, we will be told when it is over, and we have not been told. That the investigation is not over is not particularly scandalous nor troubling, if you pay any attention at all to the speed with which the NCAA operates in these matters. I tried carving a notch in each arm for every day the USC sanctions weren't handed down and ran out of limbs in a hurry. Everybody just stand down. Football's coming soon. It's all gonna be OK. Ssshhh.

Copy editors, unclench. We didn't all get subpar educations at land-grant universities to broadcast our consuming lack of interest in the apostrophe, consarnit.

Just fly the other way. Hawaii's mulling the possibility of playing a game in Japan, which is really not that much further afield than every other road trip the Warriors have to take.

Knock, knock. Who's there? Jackie Sherrill, freshening up for his induction into the Mississippi State hall of fame. You know, in case your day wasn't already replete with bull semen jokes.

Ken Starr, you filthy blogger. Antics!

Have you been to Atlanta? This would totally happen. "Kellen, are Mormons even allowed to eat Chick-fil-A on Sundays? Trick question, nobody is. What church you go to?" Boise State, y'all have been to a BCS bowl now, and don't seem to be developing the proper persecution complex that's supposed to come with your elevated status. All media is oppositional! Think!

Here is a lengthy press release that does not mention the Longhorn Network. Texas set to triple-team an NCAA broadcasting hearing? I wonder what it's about?

There could be a college football player named Hunter Tank.

True story!