Designated Read: Soggy summer bbq edition

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Cookout plans rained out? Still making your way home from Saturday's games? Curl up with some SI longform for the afternoon, and relive the thrills and eyerolls of TCU-Baylor, LSU-Oregon, and Boise State-Georgia. Everybody else, we've got you covered with a few quick hits from a wacky first weekend of college football.

One more note on realignment. Yes, Dan Beebe has his tap shoes on, because he probably likes having a job. But we're all more than sick of the conjecture from all sides in this thing, so until somebody actually leaves, it's not worth talking about. (Unless you're T. Boone Pickens, and wonderfully quotable in all things.)

The most important injury news of Week 1. Howard Schnellenberger is fine, everybody.

Come again some other OW OW ELECTRICITY OW.Rain ruined everything that well-paid, upset-minded upstart visiting teams didn't this weekend. Skip Holtz and Brian Kelly concocted an interesting gentlemen's agreement during their delay, Notre Dame's first. West Virginia fans took the news about how you'd expect.

Delicious freshly cherry-picked stats. Notre Dame's first eight drives Saturday were a thing of misery. Navy's, decidedly not. TCU and Baylor's mutual disdain for defense will make your eyes pop. Oregon turned the ball over twice in four plays. Robert Wood has plenty of time to shatter his own record. Bryant Moniz: Not just a pretty pair of arms. Chris Rainey shines in the Time-To-Diecat offense. And Andrew Luck hit seven receivers in 10 pass attempts.

This is about where he starts insisting it's pronounced "FickELL." Ohio State's plucky new skipper gets the New York Times treatment.

Too many umlauts on the field.International eligibility issues were what robbed Boise State of three players for the trip to Georgia, including the fetchingly-named Ricky Tjong-A-Tjoe. Damiere Byrd is your Undisclosed Compliance Issue player of the week. And welcome back to adversely affecting rosters, John Blake!

And now for something completely serious. Make time today to read this account of Army-Navy players.

Sportsmanship roundup. Notre Dame fans: Displeased with this year's return to glory. USC fans: Just happy to see their kicker. Baylor fan: Being a bad Baptist. Auburn: ALL IN (your facemask).

Parting Monday whimsy.

burning couch cake

This shirt

with this picture

is a trooper

target="_blank">its own TV commercial

these two ladies