Where Fetch Happens: Week 1 in quotes

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Potent quotables from four days of college football. 

• "We all know where it starts." -- Gary Pinkel, putting the "real" in "realignment"

• "If you can't fix the Big 12, you might as well go west." -- T. Boone Pickens

• "Amazing how quickly Big East culture takes a team over." -- John Riser, on TCU's defense

• "False start: Offense. Everyone but the center." -- An actual penalty call during TCU-Baylor

• "Gonna kill someone." -- This TCU fan, whom I feel like I've known all my life

• "Players received unauthorized gift bags." -- Doug Bean, CBS

• "I'm from California. We don't have thunder and all that other crap." -- Notre Dame's Cierre Wood, on the unfamiliarity of weather delays

• "BJ Daniels throws one of the most majestic uncatchable deep balls you will ever see." -- Spencer Hall

• "Through half a quarter, Don Criqui has now referred to South Florida as "Florida State" on the radio 4 times." -- Ty Hildenbrandt

• "Auburn isn't just losing to a WAC team, it's losing to one of the few schools STAYING in the WAC." -- Our own Stewart Mandel, bewildered on the Plains

• "I wouldn't classify them as an elite team." -- Appalachian State quarterback DeAndre Presley, whose team stood in for JMU at the wrong end of a 66-13 loss in Blacksburg, on Virginia Tech

• "We've got two good players on our offense." -- Lane Kiffin

• "Funniest part of Vols Sr CB Art Evans' beard: Evans can't grow a stache, so Sr LB Daryl Vereen told me teammates call him "Young Abe." -- Wes Rucker, and yes, the resemblance is there

• "We're disappointed that operators are choosing to deprive Texas fans of valuable content, including this weekend's Rice vs. UT game." -- ESPN, presumably without laughing into their sleeves

• "If there was a Chick-fil-A sandwich for sale inside the stadium, I did not find it." -- Georgia blogger T. Kyle King, whose gastronomic woes foreshadowed ill for the Dawgs in the Chick-fil-A kickoff

• "If I was 19 & awesome at football & dancing, I would be flagged for unsportsmanlike conduct so much the refs would need Tommy John surgery." -- @DangerGuerrero

• "'Stomach virus' is a nice way of saying diarrhea. It doesn't cause broken bones. He's got to get down." -- Brian Floyd on Jeff Tuel's very bad night

• "That's spelled g-u-a-u-x ... G-e-a-u-x." -- Les Miles, spelling the hits

Bob Wager