Ten imaginary trophies for the best of Week 12:
• Most valuable player, in-game: We've sung Joe Tessitore's praises in this space before. He and Rod Gilmore have shepherded a bewildered audience through week after week of pear-shaped Friday night games with grace and aplomb. We know it's Tessitore's doing and not Gilmore's, because the week he took off to cover the Breeders' Cup, USC beat Colorado in the primetime ESPN slot, lickety-split. Tessitore's Week 12 sorcery took out the Cowboys and bested the Sooners and we owe him a debt of gratitude for making weeknight football appointment television. (The state of Alabama owes him a Crimson Tide jersey with "TYPHOID TORY" on the back.) Tessitore's next assignment: No. 6 Virginia Tech at No. 24 Virginia, with a division title on the line. Gird your loins. Honorable mention: Robert Griffin III, who is pretty good at football, target="_blank">I guess.
• Most valuable player, pregame: YouTube footage of Lee Corso target="_blank">cussing on live television during GameDay is being yanked from the internet. Still readily available online: Footage of his apology, which will not be linked here, because it makes us sad. That one broken-up moment of hilarity among a well-seasoned crew perked up a nation confronting a gloomy Week 12 slate, and prepped us, unknowingly, for the waves of after-dark mayhem the night games would bring. So thanks are in order, for setting the stage.
• Special jury prize for rare positive uniform accolades directed at a Nike school: Oregon receives its share of potshots for the getups in which its players take the field, but this week's all-black uniforms were splendid. With nothing else to distract the eye, for once the feathers on the shoulders didn't look like too much. All that was missing: A skull and crossbones with Puddles' face emblazoned somewhere on the jerseys.
• Best achievements in fan signage: Houston came strong for the program's first Saturday morning visit from the GameDay crew. Honorable mention: That other Baylor girl holding a "WE ARE GOING TO WIN" sign in the stands that looked like it'd been constructed with body paint. Spot-on, honey.
• Chilling stat of the week: "Devier Posey is just seven catches away from leading the entire Ohio State team in receptions for the season. He has played one game." -- Ramzy Nasrallah
• Best collateral damage: Erin Andrews, who maintained high spirits on camera after being caught up in the Baylor Gatorade dump.
• Horrorshow drive of the week: Thanks to Jay Beck for alerting us to an oh-so-Jayhawks-2011 sequence of events in Saturday's Kansas-Texas A&M game, a series that took 11 plays over five minutes, got as far out as the Kansas 49 and then marched straight backward to award the Aggies a safety. It was KU's second drive of the game. Read all about it.
• Grape Job! Awarded weekly for abject failure in the face of trying one's best, this week's Grape Job accolades go out to the Wazzu grounds crew in Pullmanin charge of keeping the yard lines clear for Saturday's overtime snow tilt between Washington State and Utah. Maybe next time try using some sort of straight edge to mark your path, guys ... like, say, a yard line.
• Most innocuous assassin
The Empire Strikes Back