Weekend Whimsy: All hail the Cupcake Wars Bowl, presented by Food Network - Sports Illustrated

Weekend Whimsy: All hail the Cupcake Wars Bowl, presented by Food Network

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It's easy to imagine NCAA president Mark Emmert gesturing to his face to explain how future minor NCAA infractions might be met by a court of a coach's peers screaming, "WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOUR FACE?" at the offending party. (Getty Images)

NCAA Announces Corrective and Punitive Measures for Penn State

Lovingly curated light reading to speed you through your Friday:

• That this bowl is imaginary doesn't make its specter any less real. A 6-6 record appears likely to remain the bar to clear for postseason eligibility, and you can sort of see around the edges in these quotes to where people are thinking that hey, it's all about the bowl tycoons raking in the cash while the kids rake in the commemorative keychains, right?

"Thirty-five bowl games can be a lot, but certainly those games provide an opportunity for a lot of student-athletes to experience the postseason," Womack said.

All we ask is that all social media channels for any future bowls be run by the Florida Citrus Sports team.

• Slapping with trout added as penalty for butt-dialing. NCAA bigwigs are getting behind a new penalty structure, which will have four tiers of violations. We have helpfully named them for you: primary, secondary, tertiary and what's-wrong-with-your-faceiary.

Just an aborted attempt to helicopter Tee Martin off the deck of a cruise ship, no big deal.Lane Kiffin recounts USC's madcap pursuit of Silas Redd.

• Many saucers of milk being consumed in a nondescript Indianapolis office structure. Come for the entrenched bureaucracy peek-in, stay for the icily catty exchanges between Mark Emmert and UGA AD Greg McGarity in the curious case of Kolton Houston, whom we can all agree was born to play football at Georgia by virtue of having been named "Kolton Houston."

• Todd Graham perceives time as an infinite sea, you understand. Live the Arizona State way! Any similarities between it and the Pitt way is purely because they have the same coach, you might have heard!

• Tweet of the day. Notre Dame's planning to install field turf, but there's a pressing worry on everyone's mind (no, not just the traditionalists):

Alert reader Matt Knowles has the answer.

• Friend Howard Schnellenberger on Facebook.Trust us.

Mike Leach Bobblehead Day is a thing that will happen.

Mark your calendars