Designated Read: A quotable day

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CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!

There's no way will this end in heartbreak and bitter recriminations: "Even though Penn State and Ohio State are banned from playing in the Big Ten title game or a bowl as part of NCAA sanctions, both are still eligible to win the conference's Leaders Division and receive a trophy this season."

• Poor Nick Saban, y'all. Managing expectations is a long game, and for Coach Avert-Your-Eyes, that game is Whack-a-Mole. Two national championships in three years, but HE'S JUST GOT ALL THESE FEELINGS.

"For Heller and Grahn, the story starts, improbably, with a longstanding question about bears." How did the biology of bears affect Stanford football?

"But this is the NCAA. 'Glacial' is a word that comes to mind." CBS' Matt Norlander preaches patience and reminds us that the UNC case is still a pretty long way from being any kind of over.

• Injury report story hour.Nathan Scheelhaase's ankle is improving, but his status for Illinois' Week 2 date with Arizona State is still in question ... Connor Shawreturns to practice for South Carolina ... USC's depth gets dinged at running back.

Misc.

The Numerical

Vote Duck

was unfamiliar with football

glorious graphical preview

the victim was punched several times by his roommate

Purdue wins the weekend