The Switzies are named in honor of Barry Switzer, patron saint of college football frolicking. (Andy Hayt/SI)
In which we hand out imaginary trophies at the midpoint of the offseason, to celebrate living this long without football. Our pets remember what we look like in the mornings, now. It's weird. Previous Switzies: 2011 midseason, 2011 postseason , 2012 offseason, 2012 midseason, 2012 postseason.
• Best offseason SI cover. We're counting Colin Kaepernick's appearance here as a #WACtion victory, but nothing tops Jadeveon Clowney overshadowing March Madness previews:
• Best offseason time-wasting argument comes from friend of the program The Gurgling Cod, who asks, "If you could buy stadium replica litterboxes, which one would be most popular?"
• Best new hire. Western Michigan coach P.J. Fleck, who painted up his chest for an icy pond jump, and who brought along his wife, Tracie, for the festivities. Tracie, a new mother, jumped into a frozen body of water in a bathing suit, in February, in Michigan. We will never not be in awe of this.
• Best coach-based social media moment. It's a crowded field here -- Mike Gundy did update his age and gender for the entertainment of the internet, after all -- but we're giving the crown to Vandy offensive line coach Herb Hand and his balloon animal encounter.
• Best player-based social media moment. When he graduates, we're just gonna name this award after Georgia's Watts Dantzler.
• Best new stadium addition. TCU's latest, greatest Horned Frog statue. SO METAL. Even if it were not made of metal, it would be metal. We want one. We want one real bad.
• Best correction. The Ohio State turtle story brought great joy to God's green internet, and several pounding headaches to Ohio State's media relations staff.
Best extracurricular activity.