Urban Meyer's shocking Big Ten media days reveal: "I'm a human"

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At Big Ten media days, Urban Meyer embraced his role as a member of the human race. (Jerry Lai/USA TODAY Sports)

Urban Meyer at Big Ten media days

By Martin Rickman

With negative headlines and conflicting stories bearing down on Ohio State football prior to Big Ten media days, Urban Meyer was sure to face non-stop questions about discipline, trouble with the law and how to keep players safe and on the field. To Meyer's credit, he answered those inquiries directly and with as much poise as possible on Wednesday. Meyer has been under the microscope quite a bit lately, so it's a good sign that he's able to keep his public comments measured and calculated.

It's a rarely seen side of the Ohio State coach, a football lifer who hasn't been able to take more than a couple months off at a time despite multiple instances of leaving the game to "spend time with family."

Still, it was a surprise Wednesday to find Meyer defending his place in the human race.


That busts the conspiracy theories wide open. Just so we're clear, here are all the stories that writers around the country had to scrap after Meyer's official announcement:

  • Urban Meyer is a sentient 1976 Gremlin
  • Urban Meyer is a real-life version of the human-like alien thing from the Eddie Murphy movie Meet Dave
  • Urban Meyer is a hologram
  • Urban Meyer is a cyborg loyal to Mike Slive
  • Urban Meyer does not exist at all; he is what happens when we all believe in something at once
  • A wormhole from a parallel universe swapped the Urban Meyer from Timeline F with the Urban Meyer in our timeline, and the original Urban Meyer was a medical sales representative from Topeka
  • Urban Meyer is a character played by Christian Bale for a movie
  • Urban Meyer is one of Nick Saban's Horcruxes
  • Urban Meyer is a banana
  • There is no Urban Meyer, only Zuul