Hot Mics, Cold Hearts: Week 2 in quotes

Monday September 12th, 2011

Potent quotables from three bright September days of college football. 

• "We arrived in MI last night and are meeting now, pregame meal shortly. It was raining when we arrived. Remember MSU in '08 and the rain." -- Howard Schnellenberger, warrior-poet

• "They're playing a night game -- not landing on Mars." -- Andy Staples, on the Big House after dark

• "If they'd been doing this as long as me there'd be no fuss." -- LSU's Tiger Stadium, unsurprisingly sensitive.

• "Solid crowd of Michigan backers there -- most of them chanting 'USF' at all ND fans." -- Pat Forde, from GameDay

• "Tried to explain to my wife (raised tailgating in Baton Rogue) that Michigan was hosting their first night game. It simply did not compute." -- Steven Godfrey

• "Brady Hoke could get into any voice ID'd security system set to 'Phil Hartman's Clinton Impression.'" -- Dan Rubenstein

• "'Denard Robinson does not disappoint.' Oh yes he does! Espescially his mother, who wishes he would learn to tie his shoes." -- Tim Burke

• "We're not good enough. When we're better as a football team, we'll start winning." -- Brian Kelly, via Brian Hamilton

• "Given the shaky nature of the win, wouldn't a pitchspork be more appropriate?" -- George Schroeder, on Arizona State

• "That offense is gonna do a lot of damage this year. And penalties will cost them at least 2 games." -- Stewart Mandel, on Arizona State

• "Bulldog RB Richard Samuel's NCAA 2012 'Lateral' rating should be 'NO.'" -- Spencer Hall, observing the carnage in Athens

• "Rantavious Wooten just brought in a long touchdown pass for Georgia, so I'm exploiting this opportunity to type 'Rantavious Wooten.'" -- Matt Hinton

• "They timed that dude with a sundial." -- Tyler Dawgden, on Melvin Ingram's touchdown run

• "I do hate that Uga-SC immediately becomes about Richt. This was a helluva game. SC just made one more play." -- Bill Connelly

• "Like to think trash talk at bottom of piles in Stanford/Duke would be Noel Cowardesque." -- @TheGurglingCod

• "If you have a son named STEELE JANTZ you better damn well hope he's an athlete, otherwise he's destined to be a porn star." -- @Texas_Gal

• "What would happen if they told Lane Kiffin he could go for two from anywhere on the field without scoring a touchdown first?" -- Jason Kirk

• "No, I'm not confident. We do have to provide some more information to the NCAA." -- Gene Smith, on suspended Buckeyes returning for the Miami game, via Brandon Castel

• "Matt Millen is like sonic rat poison." -- Luke Zimmermann

• "Howard Schnellenberger: history's first man to wear a pocket square and a ball cap in a non NFL Draft day scenario." -- @celebrityhottub

• "For as corrupt and repulsive as college football and its leaders can be, oh boy does the product on the field deliver." -- Pete Thamel

What'd we miss? Post your compelling quips of the weekend below.
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