Designated Read: I will realign your face!

Tuesday September 13th, 2011

Still a disappointing lack of threats to realign anyone's face. Mike Slive is acting like the SEC's not going to join the arms race to 16. The potential suitors for Texas are blurring the line between joke and reality. And Ken Starr has taken up pasting entire pages of his Livejournal in major media outlets. This concludes today's grudging coverage of realignment in September, which there ought to be some sort of law against.

Best wishes, I. Jerry Kill could be back on the sidelines this weekend for Minnesota's date with Miami (Ohio).

Best wishes, II. Boston College offensive coordinator Kevin Rogers is taking a leave of absence from the Eagles, citing health reasons. He'll be replaced in the short term by tight ends coach Dave Brock.

Now, all the fake excitement will be bouncing under t-shirts in the student section. EJ Manuel looks forward to a win against Oklahoma and the end of "fake excitement" about Florida State football. In a curious bit of timing, however, an ex-FSU coach will be dominating headlines in the week leading up to the Seminoles'' scariest Saturday of 2011.

Never back-talk a police officer named Sasser. In scooter-related arrest news that is somehow unconnected to the University of Georgia, Florida linebacker Dee Finley is misdemeanor charges for a Monday run-in with UF's police department. Naturally, a moped is involved. Off to update the SISII, while in a facility basement some lowly Gator assistant resets the "___ DAYS SINCE LAST PLAYER ARREST" sign to 1.

How is it that this was explained well enough for the Internet and not well enough for anybody else? Still confuzzled over that USC-Utah final score-that-wasn't: Vegas and Kyle Whittingham.

Finally, a firm NCAA stance against the scourge of sleepovers. Boise State will be notified this afternoon of COI findings concerning some of the most ludicrous NCAA charges ever leveled.

No, like, starting NOW, you guys. There will be rules, dammit, concerning sideline access for non-players during University of Miami football games, which should fix everything.

Try not to get them intercepted. Michigan players will get to keep their jerseys from Saturday night's primetime romp against Notre Dame.

Tiger on the prowl, badly. Mizzou attrition branches out into more creative methods of roster depletion with the arrest of backup cornerback Tristen Holt after he left the scene of a car accident over the weekend.

Bum Badger paw. Still no timetable for Wisconsin's Devin Smith to return to action after suffering what's been alternately labeled either a left foot or ankle injury.

Plus his hair's always flat by the third quarter, anyway. Rick Neuheisel is killing his postgame in-stadium exhortation series, which is a shame, because between UCLA's quarterback situation and Texas', whatever happens this weekend in the Rose Bowl is gonna be all kinds of memorable.

Quote of the Day, I: "I am really glad we now get to have a conversation between a Pac-12 referee and a player about the proper length of a hand-generated 'O.'" -- Spencer Hall, looking forward to an endless series of glove-related penalties in Eugene

Quote of the Day, II: "This isn't Mike Slive pushing a domino over, it's him moving his Knight and hitting the Chess clock. Time for someone else to make move." -- Bryan Fischer

Quote of the Day, III: "Our slogan for Saturday's Ohio State-Miami game: "No matter what happens, it probably won't count." -- @CBSSports Tuesday whimsy: So it turns out elite college athletes are kinda valuable, in dollars. Oliver Luck thinks we would agree that a certain West Virginia t-shirt shown on television in Week 1 " is not the image of our University and our state that we want to promote," and while he is being paid handsomely to say this, he could not be more wrong. Aaron Rodgers is about to experience a simultaneous upgrade and downgrade in the quality of his education. (Pro: NFL star! Con: Not at Berkeley.) Let your chest pay tribute to a certain other Wisconsin-based quarterback. The Toledo Rockets' ESPNU logo is all kinds of jaunty. Denard Robinson has the Twitters. Behold the completely real logo for the upcoming Kentucky-Louisville game. Brock Osweiler's tattoo artist could be a YouTube commenter with that grasp of apostrophes. And if you're tailgating with edged weapons, strategize ahead of time.

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