Lovingly curated light readings to speed you through your Friday:
• Hi, haters. There's a font of NSFW language in the above video, so beware unless your boss finds it charming when profanity is sung or delivered in a British accent. But click, and you'll find a loving anthem to internet trolls, largely dormant around here during the summer because we can't call 35-percent completion ratios "lackluster" and in doing so grievously insult their favorite quarterbacks. We miss you guys too, and we'll see you real soon.
• AND SPEAKING OF HATERS. You're just jealous of Mike Garrett's new job.
• Hat on a hat. No, seriously. A hearty bounty in the form of homemade baked goods to the first reader who can photograph Xzibit wearing one of these.
• Nicolas Cage to investigate Illuminati involvement in UCLA quarterbacks, Iowa running backs. Because really, this is getting out of hand.
• EA Sports hates USA. Or South Alabama's bad at paperwork.
• Necessary basketball reading. Northwestern blog Sippin' On Purple examines the university's academic standards for student-athletes.Everything seems well, and then ... it's better to be lucky than good alternate history of BCS football since 2004