Here we are, the last game of the season. Thankfully, for both of us. Back in August, we had this game circled. We just knew that the winner of this Black Friday showdown would be headed to our infamous AT&T Stadium in Arlington for a rematch with Oklahoma. We were about to order the tee shirts back then. Guess the Texas heat had got to our brains as, in hindsight, that is the only explanation we could come up with.
Neither of us has had the season we expected and a trip to the Big 12 Championship game was shot down weeks ago for both of us. So, our “Black Friday” showdown is now basically a Bargain Basement Rummage Sale. With Oklahoma facing the possibility they won’t be there either, the Big 12 season didn’t play out as anyone expected.
For almost three months now, we have sent snark and, we think, memorable lines in this weekly letter to that week’s opponent. We started out making fun of how to say “Duquesne” and told them that Mad Max was going to take us all the way. Well, he did take us all the way to the injury list and sub-par performance. We sent both Bears, the Golden ones from Cal and those from that school in Waco, back to the zoo after those wins. We then lamented with Cal about the infamous Cheez-It Bowl game.
Then SMU came to The Fort, and we told them the Iron Skillet was for western comfort food, not highfalutin’ gluten-free desserts or sushi. A lot of good all those words meant because that Iron Skillet is still in University Park, probably as rusty as our games have been. And we told both Texas and Oklahoma to take the proverbial hike. Even though that sentiment still holds, we are sure we are now joined in that phrase by you as well. We do hope they both have a life where Vandy beats them every year in every-single-sport. Bless. Their. Hearts.
Save a tortilla and fear the Frog, we said to Texas Tech. They did actually listen, and we sent that black horse back to the barn and the matador cape to the cleaners. At least we won that night under the dusty Lubbock skies. But, alas, West Virginia came to town next. We told them that the great state of Texas, the land of the cowboys, was so much better than West-By-God-Virginia – the land of straw hat-wearing, banjo picking, overalls-wearing hillbillies with their cousin spouses. Well, we could have saved our breath, as that didn’t work out too well.
We traveled to K-State and complained of the aroma surrounding the Little Apple. Then Baylor came to town, and we told them how much we wanted Baylor Tears – a gift that keeps on giving and one of the bright spots to our season. We told the Pokes that we must endure the Stephen King character actor who creeps around looking like a 70’s porn star with that mustache, leather chaps, paddle fetish, known as Pistol Pete, and looking dejected when he lost the title role in “Midnight Cowboy.” And then we told Kansas that we would pluck the tailfeathers off their mascot that looked like Woody Woodpecker’s deranged cousin.
I reiterate all this to say this: we’ve been snarky all season and most of the time it didn’t work. Like our football team, maybe – not sure – we’ll revamp our snark plans for next season. But here we sit at 5-6, you’re already at 6-5 and know you’re going to a bowl game. I agree, 7-5 sounds better than 6-6 but for us, there’s a HUGE difference between 6-6 and 5-7. IF we hold off on the snark, smack-talk this week, can’t you just give us the win on Friday so we, too, can go fight for who gets to represent the Big 12 at the SERVPRO First Responder Bowl in Dallas? Just try to think of this Black Friday game as the Pity Bowl and be sympathetic! Please. And we won’t even speculate how a team in the middle of an Iowa cornfield got the moniker “Cyclones”. “Dust Devils”, and to be generous, “Tornadoes”. Whoops, snark is a hard habit to break.
We want to say “Fear the Frog”, but we’ve said that in every letter this season to dubious results. We just aren’t sure if there’s any fight left in us to fear, but we’ll see you Friday for the Black Friday Showdown that, in our dreams, could have been. And pretty please, just let us win.
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