Astros Reportedly Invoke Moms In Laureano Brawl, Remain Awful

Gabe Zaldivar

So, the Houston Astros’ season is going well. The fourth highest payroll in MLB is now 6-9, Jose Altuve is batting a solid .182 and the team is slowly turning into a collection of the most cliché bully stereotypes.

Like a bunch of Draco Malfoy and Fred O’Bannions, they are the guys you now love to hate. And this weekend’s kerfuffle with the Oakland A’s is another sign that the Astros are nearly out of redeeming qualities.

By now many of you have seen the A’s and Astros break social distancing protocols in a Sunday funday hootenanny, which saw a disgruntled Ramon Laureano head to first after getting plunked by Humberto Castellanos.

That’s when Astros hitting coach Alex Cintron exchanged some pleasantries with Laureano, a chat the outfielder found most disagreeable.

Laureano ran over towards the Astros dugout, Cintron retreated like all bullies end up doing and the two teams had themselves a classic fracas.

The story doesn’t end there, because according to reporter Jose de Jesus Ortiz (h/t For the Win), someone brought mamas into the mix.

The two sides to the story are as follows: A’s skipper Bob Melvin declared that Laureano is a saint of the highest order.

Astros manager Dusty Baker doubts Cintron would go there and explained he has first-hand knowledge of how even mentioning mother prior to an expletive can get you in trouble.

“I learned that that’s Latino culture,” Baker said. “That even if you said in jest or if you don’t mean what you’re saying and you just use it as just another curse word in Latino culture you know, guys don’t like that.”

The Astros are in the middle of their pandemic-season pure hatred tour, which is going over famously.

Following a very public realization of the team’s past use of sign stealing, Houston has had to face the vitriol, albeit in front of empty stadiums.

Guys are getting plunked, stars like Alex Bregman are hitting .219 and now their hitting coach is being accused of bringing moms into the proceedings.

Never bring moms into the mix unless you want to throw down. This has been your very easy life lesson of the day. 

Comments (2)
No. 1-2
Gabe Zaldivar
Gabe Zaldivar


I wouldn't put anything past them.

d ross
d ross

Seems like a real problem when useless coaches can take star players out for a huge percentage of the season. A new Houston strategy?