By Nicole Conlan
May 21, 2014

Remember when Jon Stewart laid into Chicago and their deep-dish pizzas when they dared challenge the supremacy of New York pizza? Well this white knight has once again mounted a defense against an attacker of NYC cuisine.

This week Phillies manager Ryne Sandberg claimed he got food poisoning from eating at the Shake Shack at Citi Field. To these allegations, Stewart replied, "I'll tell you what's happening here. A great New York City restaurant is being slandered by some jagoff from Philadelphia."

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Stewart then went on the offensive, calling out all kinds of food from Philadelphia. He said of the Philly cheesesteak, "What kind of city takes the parts of the cow normal people throw away, fries it up on a hunk of bread, and before they can call it their signature dish asks, 'You want me to put Whiz on that?'" Of Philadelphia cream cheese, Stewart opined, "What city is so insecure it has to put its name on cream cheese? Cream cheese -- a dish that makes itself if you leave milk out."

But Stewart's harshest words were for the Phillies Phanatic:

[Philadelphia is] a city so famously sh***y no animal would deign to represent its baseball team, forcing you to go with this f****d-up, Jim Henson reject-lookin', piece of s**t.

Ouch. Weird alien things have feelings too, man.


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