How to make every Thanksgiving table conversation about sports

Tuesday November 24th, 2015

Thanksgiving is a special holiday.

Food, family and football are all part of the festivities. So are, unfortunately, extremely hot takes from your family members on a host of current events. Don't want to listen to your uncle explain why this country was better before the Dab? Here's what to say to turn some popular current events into sports conversations:

The Hunger Games

The Hunger Games? I thought we said we weren’t going to talk about the NCAA.

Global warming

You know who’s heating up? New York Knicks rookie Kristaps Porzingis. As they say, Three 6 Latvia. Who needs Carmelo, anyway?

Your vegetarian brother-in-law won’t eat turkey

All I’m saying is Prince Fielder dropped the whole vegetarian thing and then won Comeback Player of the Year.

Donald Trump

Boy, he sure does own a lot of golf courses. Say, that Jordan Spieth wins a lot of tournaments, right?

Ben Carson

Did you say Carson? Isn’t that where the NFL is going to move the San Diego Chargers and Oakland Raiders. Man, that Philip Rivers sure is crazy. And the Raiders aren’t a total trainwreck this season.

Hillary Clinton

Speaking of emails, I just got one from our local NFL team asking about season tickets for next year, and they are raising prices again!

Bernie Sanders

You think Bernie is a socialist? You should read about the NFL’s revenue sharing system. The Dolphins are going to regret that Suh contract, huh?

Volkswagen emission scandal

Emitting diesel fumes? Did Shaq eat too much mac and cheese?


You know who has a Del? The Cavs! Matthew Dellavedova is a cult hero in Cleveland and was credited for almost keeping Steph Curry in check during last year’s Finals! He always hustles!

Marijuana legalization

You guys think marijuana might explain why the Nuggets are so bad this season?

Your cousins who couldn’t make it

You know who my favorite cousin is? DeMarcus Cousins. He’s assertive down low, he can shoot a jumper, and he’s always wearing his heart on his sleeve.

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