The Cardinals think the rain is biased against them

Monday December 12th, 2016

The Cardinals lost a close game to the Dolphins, and apparently the rain, in Miami on Sunday, 26–23. That’s what coach Bruce Arians and his team will have you believe, anyway.

According to a few members of the team, the rain either has it out for them or took Miami at +2, because it only poured when Arizona had possession.

“Every time we had the ball, it just started turning on and staying on,” quarterback Carson Palmer said postgame. “Then it would stop.”

Said receiver J.J. Nelson, “Every time we got the ball it seemed like it was pouring, like a monsoon. I’ve never played in anything like that.”

Finally, the money quote, from coach Arians: “When it continually pours when you have the ball, which was kind of odd, it’s tough.”

Look—if it were just Arians, maybe this is a crazy proposition. Arians and Palmer? We’re getting somewhere. Three Cardinals and we’ve got a full-blown conspiracy theory on our hands. Did the Dolphins make it rain over the stadium like '07 Lil Wayne to gain an advantage? Does Mother Nature have Jarvis Landry on her fantasy team? There are questions that need to be asked.

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