“Um, I can’t even get my dog to stop peeing in the house.”

By Extra Mustard
March 23, 2017

Cubs president Theo Epstein was named the world’s greatest leader by Fortune after building the team that broke the franchise’s lengthy, lengthy, lengthy World Series drought.

He was not amused. Epstein texted ESPN’s Buster Olney with a solid response to the honor.

“Um, I can't even get my dog to stop peeing in the house, " Epstein. "That is ridiculous. The whole thing is patently ridiculous. It's baseball--a pastime involving a lot of chance. If Zobrist's ball is three inches farther off the line, I'm on the hot seat for a failed five-year plan. And I'm not even the best leader in our organization; our players are.”

He beat out Pope Francis, LeBron James and a bunch of politicians for the title.

No word on their dogs.

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