Loose Change: Block party

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The following is purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laugh while reading this, while framing this, or while burning this. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

So it's all come down to this: an independent investigation into the inner workings of the NHLPA by top shelf Toronto lawyer Sheila Block.

Her nomination was finally agreed upon after Desmond Tutu and Tickle Me Elmo both politely refused the daunting assignment.

What's she looking for? Well, besides the incredibly obvious allegations of improprieties, there are 12 items on her agenda.

And funny enough, we also have another Friday Top 12 List ready just for you. Mere coincidence? Maybe, but I guess you'll have to ask Ms. Block about that one, too.

Here nowÂ…

The Top 12 Things Sheila Block hopes to Discover in her NHLPA Investigation

12 the mystery meat in Cheli's Chili

11 why Tomas Kaberle doesn't shoot more

10 the PA's take on the Ginger or Mary Ann issue

9 how she can get more velocity on her wrist shot

8 why everyone's calendar is missing 2004

7 the inside dirt linking Dick Pound and Flintstone Vitamins

6 how Michal Handzus gets his hair to stay like that

5 what Elisha Cuthbert sees in Sean Avery

4 the secret behind Ted Saskin's sexual charisma

3 whether Alan Eagleson is the Devil's nephew or his cousin

2 what a Trent Klatt is

1 where Steve Larmer hid the coffee maker

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com