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Loose Change: Concentrated news

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I’m really having trouble concentrating and I’m worried I might have ADD. For those of you who don’t know, ADD stands for Attention Disorganiz...hey look, a bird.

Lots going on in the National Hockey League this week (aside from the monumental news of Ron Wilson being named coach of the 2010 U.S. Olympic team, beating out Emilio Estevez, who is pissed).

Staal on Rampage!

Canadian Press announces: “Final Staal brother enters pro ranks” and goes on to tell us about 18-year-old Jared Staal, who recently signed a tryout contract with the San Antonio Rampage of the American League.

I learned two things from this story:

(1) The word “professional” sure doesn’t mean what it once did.

(2) CP is now passing judgment on people’s sex lives and family planning.

My Heart Won’t Go On

Despite what you might have heard, it’s been a great week for the Montreal Canadiens. In spite of the injuries, the playoff struggle, the economy, more injuries, apathy, fan disgust, the team’s implosion, pathetic goaltending, recycling issues, freak spring snowstorms, that weird fungus, running out of toilet paper (upper level, women’s washrooms) and not properly backing up their hard drive (Jean Beliveau’s beloved poetry, all gone), there is a reason to smile. There is a local group being organized to purchase the team from current owner George Gillett and – despite rumors to the contrary – Celine Dion is not part of the group. Do I see a smile?

Speaking of cheesy Vegas acts…

Roll Them Bones

NHL commissioner Gary Bettman was in Las Vegas on Monday to welcome Sin City as host for the next three NHL awards shows. The city, which has no connection to the NHL and none for the foreseeable future (Bettman: “The arena issues are an issue and I’m allergic to sand, but if you get me front row seats for Wayne Newton, I may reconsider”), will be home for the gala until 2011.

The National Hockey League is trying to “raise its profile in the U.S.,” (direct quote from NHL Mission Statement, circa 1974) and feels having the gala take place in such an entertainment mecca can only help gain exposure and industry credibility for the league.

The NHL awards hope to attract the who’s who of the show biz and sporting world; Alan Thicke is expected to attend. Tickets will run you $500.

The preceding was purely fictional and meant for entertainment purposes only. By entertainment, we mean we hope you laughed while reading it, framing it, or burning it. Any similarities between this and actual events is strictly coincidental and frankly, dumb luck. Remember to remind your lawyer about the made-up part, OK?

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday only on thehockeynews.com. Subscribe to The Hockey News today to have Charlie's cartoon delivered to you in each issue.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com