Loose Change: The Goaled and the Beautiful

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Lots has happened in our beautiful little make-believe worldÂ…

Mario's continuing struggle with a broken heart prevented him from helping adopted brother Sidney defend the family business from Russian tycoon Ilya Thrasherkov. Sidney's estranged and bi-polar Uncle Don offered to help, but was met with loud indifference by his struggling nephew. “Now, he wants a relationship”, sobbed poor Sidney…

Meanwhile, Old Man Burke continues to alienate his family. After shipping favorite son Sergei to an Ohio bootcamp in November, Burke kept up his evil ways by exiling youngest son Petr to The Naked City. Dad's disappointment with Petr's inability to run the family waterfowl reservoir finally got the better of himÂ…

Ryan and Martin are still fighting madly for Lindy's undivided attention. Lindy insisted “I love you both, equally”, but has secretly been spending a lot of time with Mika at his farm. Martin feels slighted because his long series of hot, torrid nights apparently meant nothing to Lindy…

Meanwhile, Lou's career is in a destructive spiral after overextending his expense account. He had to return his five-speed Almo after getting his 1994 Elias back from the garage, and may eventually be forced to part with his prized Brodeur coupe if fortunes don't improveÂ…

Tie, Georges, and Jody are facing hard times down at the old Thuggery. Foreman Tie has been trying to keep his Union brothers employed, but concedes that it may only be a matter of time until the factory closes. “Nobody wants to do nothing with their damn hands anymore,” laments Jody. Things have gotten so bad that they've had to start eating things out of cans, like turnips and motor oil. The three plan a road trip to Peoria or somewhere else exotic to take their minds off their troubles…

Doug and Keith have worked out an elaborate plan to escape from St. Louis Penitentiary. Doug wants more blueprints and tools. Keith pleads for more luggage and snacks. Doug feels their best chance is to create some sort of commotion and slip out in the assembled crowd. The crowd must be in the hundreds for them to have a decent chance of escaping. The plan is tentatively set for March of 2007Â…

And finally, Marty continues to wonder if he truly has what it takes to be a star. With his role as Binky in The Producers well into its fifth year, he is again haunted by the nervous jitters and an annoying rash from his first year. Director Dave has done everything he can to support him, but Marty can't help feel a little paranoid around his perky and ambitious little Swedish understudy, Johan. That bitch.

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Thursday, only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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