Loose Change: What, no pleats?

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So, have you seen them? Those new jerseys introduced recently by the National Hockey League, woven together so lovingly by the indentured throng of twelve year old Domin.., I mean, the fine seamstresses and material artists at Reebok? And, just in time for the whirlwind extravagan-tastic gala that is All Star Weekend!

The NHL unveiled these newer, streamlined hockey uniforms in a press conference on Thursday. These, of course, are not to be confused with their newer, streamlined jerseys of three years ago. The differences between the two are quite obvious. The first versions were made by Nike, these are made by Reebok. That's a difference of at least two letters (one if you refer to Reebok by its more street cred-esque “RBK” moniker). Other than that they appear essentially the same, by what we can see anyway. Thumbs up from Sidney Crosby though…

We should mention that, buried within the fine print of this press conference transcript, is the basic reality all teams will be wearing these new form-fitting duds by this time next season. So get going on those ab crunches, people. Man boobs will no longer be tolerated in the new N H of L.

Oh, and just in case you missed some of the descriptive subtleties mentioned by Commander Bettman in his review, here are the Top 12 Benefits of the new RBK/Huggie Brand jerseys:

TOP 12 BENEFITS OF THE NEW RBK JERSEYS

12. Made entirely out of recycled Blackhawk playoff tickets

11. Increased venting allows fans to share in perspiration phenomenon

10. New revenue stream puts “that attendance thing” on back burner till 2009

9. Asbestos lining virtually eliminated

8. At least you can still look good losing 12-2, St. Louis

7. Optional fannypack for spare change and/or floss

6. Love handles rendered virtually invisible

5. Mr. Blackwell positively giddy

4. Space age material visible from the Space Shuttle

3. Road jersey has invisible cloaking powers

2. Available in mint.

1. Jerseys retain 76% less moisture – goodbye, urine stains!

Charlie Teljeur, creator of THN's hockeysockpuppettheatre, brings you Loose Change every Tuesday and Friday only on thehockeynews.com.

Want to talk to Charlie about love, life, or Loose Change? Email him at charlieteljeur@hotmail.com

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