23. Miami Marlins (41–49, minus-28, LT: 23)
It’s that time of year—time for Giancarlo Stanton fake trades! Every year around this time, talk radio hosts in New York, Boston, and other big markets start fantasizing about the Goliath outfielder getting dealt to their home teams in exchange for a bucket of beans.
As it’s been every other year, it’s not going to happen now either. Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria gave Stanton the biggest contract in baseball history because he wanted a marketable star for his team; he and team president David Samson have repeatedly stressed that Stanton’s not going anywhere. With the Fish now up for sale, a blockbuster trade involving the team’s franchise player becomes even more unlikely. If you’re an interested Marlins suitor, why would you want lame-duck ownership to get to decide what to do with Stanton, when the franchise could land in your hands any day now?
So for now, Stanton will continue to benefit from his inside track on those incredibly scarce Marlins season tickets. As for all those fake Stanton rumors? They’ll soon drop out of sight.