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Anyone born in the 80’s or 90’s is familiar with the concept of the modern Boy Band. And anyone who allowed themselves to enjoy the wealth of corny dance moves and love songs knows that all those groups were made up of key prototypical personalities. The MTV made-for-TV parody movie 2Gether captured them in the most clear-cut of ways; there was a Heartthrob, a Bad Boy, a Shy One, a Cute One, and an Older Brother type. It was a cookie-cutter formula that fit almost every pop group of the era.

As much as I want to, I’m certainly not going to sit here and tell you who on this team has the dreamiest eyes or the cutest giggle. But what I will tell you is that the A’s brand of baseball has its own predictable cast of characters that crop up every season, win or lose. These memorable roles on the A’s roster keep fan investment alive and keep clubhouse chemistry afloat. They take a different shape than the boy band titles, but we find similar tropes on the ball field.

Just like a choreographed crew of the TRL-age, different fans connect to the different types of guy in the group. Not everyone has the same favorite player; Some people connect more to players they look like, or who specialize in a specific skill. Sports fans care about these athletes beyond the numbers on the sheet. They can also relate to their social disposition and pick who they root for by their personality traits.

A’s fandom is a wild ride. We never know what kind of surprise we’re in for with this squad, but one special thing about this organization is we let guys be themselves. There’s no antiquated grooming policy and the front office and fans alike tend to support players who show their emotions on the field and passions off of it. We are lucky to be able to learn who these guys are, at least to the extent they allow, even without the romanticized Tiger Beat magazines to tell us their favorite colors or pizza toppings. Now, as I said, a baseball front office is not using the same plugged-in pieces to garner fan attention as Lou Pearlman, the boy band maker, might have. Instead, each clubhouse has its own flavor of character roles to fill for success. Let’s explore some of those evergreen Oakland tropes that keep die-hards invested and make this quirky team what it is.

The Beloved Veteran DH

Previous Examples: Frank Thomas, Johnny Gomes, Mitch Moreland, (and Billy Butler, for better or worse)

Now - Jesús Aguilar

If there’s one thing you can expect under current A’s ownership, it’s that they will give an opportunity to an elder-statesman to come in and swing a bat. I gave you four examples above, but honestly you can go back to almost any season of recent memory and find a player over 30 who was signed to a short deal in a 1B/DH role. It’s a win-win for the club. Younger players get some guidance and leadership from a colleague with experience, and the vet gets a chance to revive his numbers before he finishes his playing career. This year we add Aguilar, who comes off of a disappointing performance with the Marlins and Orioles in 2022. The 32-year-old Venezuelan will likely be our regular 1B/DH and the hope is that he can re-energize his bat to something in the vicinity of his 2018 performance: a SLG over .500 and 35 HRs. At the lowest bar, he will bring some savoir-faire to this very young group, as many have done before him.

The Trade Bait

Previous Examples: Yoenis Céspedes, Jason Giambi, both Matts - Chapman & Olson

Now - Sean Murphy, Ramón Laureano

The truer, less-quippy name for this category is: “guy who’s good enough that we’re all counting down ‘til he’s gone.” A few weeks ago the clear leader in this spot would have been the stoic Sean Murphy, but alas I was so right that he’s already been dealt. Fully entrusting the future of our pitching staff to the hands of Shea Langeliers, the club traded Murph away and he’s already been extended by the Atlanta Braves. This is not a new experience for fans of the green and gold. Every time a player gets too good, we all hold our breath a little bit. I won’t delve into the reasons this happens, but it does, like clockwork.

So who’s the next high-caliber victim to go? Really it will come down to performance, but fans are uniformly bracing for a Laureano departure next. Even with his least impressive season to date in 2022, his name was tied to rumors with Miami, Minnesota, and Boston. There is such a need for outfielders right now that if you search ‘Ramón Laureano’ on Twitter, you will find fans from all corners of the country commenting about how great a fit he is for their team. MLB Trade Rumors recently posted a convincing piece about how he should be safe for a while, as his stock is at its lowest. Out of caution, fans should come out and see the Laser while they still can, as he’s most likely destined for greatness in another city by the trade deadline. With an arm forged by the baseball gods and years of incredible speed and stunt catches, if his bat can come back, surely he won’t.

The Future Broadcaster

Previous Examples: Chris Bassitt, Stephen Vogt, Coco Crisp, Liam Hendriks

Now - Cole Irvin, TBD

Alright, I’ll be honest here. I had prepared to write some very nice things about starter Cole Irvin in this spot. I was going to tell you all about how candid and straightforward he can be with the press in post-game interviews. And how he never shied away from describing his game plan in detail or taking accountability when it didn’t pan out. Unfortunately, now I’m not sure who will take his job as the guy who could finish his baseball career behind a microphone.

This is a young group of dudes, and to be candid myself, with how poor the season was last year, we didn’t see many of them speak publicly often enough to gauge their personalities. In years past we have witnessed the detailed candor that earned Coco a stint on radio in retirement, and the snarky quotables that came alongside Bassitt and his triton. There is no clear front-runner in this category I’m afraid. Without bashing anyone, most of what I’ve heard from this roster are short, dry, snoozy interviews. The good news for fans hoping for giggles and unpredictable moments: Dallas Braden is still our color-commentator, and deserves a gold glove for his ability to catch guys off-guard and pull the best out of them on screen.

The Under-Appreciated, Quiet Leader

Previous Examples: Chad Pinder, Khris Davis, Marcus Semien, Mark Ellis

Now - James Kaprielian

This role is not unique to Oakland, but it has been so important in building some of our most special seasons. All of the names above provided the baseline for our best memories in the last two decades in ways fans may not see as obviously on the field. Summers get long, and with a lot of varying personalities having a sturdy guy in a clubhouse is innately important. Coaches can’t solve everything; sometimes you need an equal to step in and calm a guy down. Often these players are referenced and thanked for their perspective or conversation even when they weren’t involved in a game’s highlights. Go back a couple years and it’s hard to find a press conference that didn't mention the impact of KD or Marcus’ demeanor on surrounding teammates.

Currently, the player I’ve seen display those qualities is starter James Kaprielian. We can’t see what the dynamic on the team plane is, but when watching games from home I have often noticed he is in the dugout chatting with pitchers and position players alike. Not the oldest guy in the group by far, he still carries an air of maturity about him that could be attributed to a couple of different things. Kap came up through an intense Yankees farm system and also had some hefty life experiences his peers haven’t yet faced, including the loss of a parent. Whatever it is, he has a calm presence and a relatability that I think will make him a natural fit as this year’s soft-spoken leader in the locker room. Even if his season start is delayed as he rehabs from a winter shoulder surgery, he will add to this club in ways that don’t show on paper.

The Resident Goofball

Previous Examples: Sean Manaea, Josh Reddick, Sean Doolittle, Nick Swisher

Now - Tony Kemp

This is maybe the most Oakland Athletic category of all (okay, maybe second to the trade one), and picking a character for this didn’t take any time. A’s fans LOVE a goofball. We treasure a fun facial hair experiment, a Spiderman costume, a walk-off pie, or really any player who has an ability to laugh at himself. I have often referred to our old pal Swish as “human Mountain Dew” on Twitter because of his extreme bro-y energy, and I mean that lovingly. This slot is meant only to be taken positively.

TK is pure fun. With his viral facial expressions, unreal catches, and high sock style, it is literally impossible to not smile when you see him. He doesn’t have to be honorable, charitable, or an interesting guy for us to like him, but wildly he nails those aspects of life too. Tony is the guy on the roster you could seat at both the adult or the kid’s table on Thanksgiving, and he would win the room either way. Most importantly in the team’s current iteration, TK brings levity to this group in a way that is so necessary in these doldrum seasons, both for the fans and player morale. While I don’t doubt he also could check boxes for some of these other roles, he is an experienced vet with desirable skill and composure, there is no one more worthy of starring in our most valuable spot than A’s Renaissance man, Tony Kemp.