Those fingernails on your chalkboard are really
Avery is the blaring car alarm, the leaky faucet, the snow on your TV screen that only recedes during infomercials. He's the knot in your back, the kink in your knee, the elbow in your face and the stick in your groin. Face it, Avery is junk mail and spam, the gum under your shoe and the pebble inside it. He is annoyance on skates and, if you were Avery's teammates, he was sometimes that way off of them, too.
Avery made his first appearance in Madison Square Garden on Monday night, helping his new team, the Dallas Stars, beat his old team, the New York Rangers, 2-1, for their second win of the season. Avery didn't get on the scoreboard. Amazingly, he didn't even pick up a penalty. But he was the subject of attention for much of the night, and that's the way Avery, the leaf of spinach stuck between your front teeth, likes it.
During his brief stay in New York, Avery built a well-earned reputation as a player who drove other teams to frustration and disruption. The numbers didn't lie. The Rangers were just 9-13-3 when Avery was out of the lineup, but 50-20-16 when he played. Yet as much as Ranger players admired Avery's ability to draw attention to himself on the ice to help distract other teams, most felt he was just as intent on doing that off the ice, at the expense of the calm camaraderie that can mold individuals into a team. After all, this isn't the NFL. Avery wore outrageous clothes and said outrageous things. He openly complained that the NHL doesn't do enough to promote its more marketable players. Some of his habits have not sat well with teammates or opponents.
During the Rangers' first-round playoff series against the Devils, Avery's shenanigans actually caused the NHL to clamp down on its rules in mid-series after he spent much of the game face-guarding Devils' goaltender
Avery suffered a lacerated spleen in the third game of the next round, when the Rangers dropped a five-game decision to the Pittsburgh Penguins. Rangers GM
It still seems like an odd transition for a man who once thrived in Hollywood with the Kings, then on Broadway with the Rangers and is now embracing plans for a movie about his life while toiling in Dallas. "He's a big personality," Stars veteran
Before the game, Rangers coach
During warm-up, Avery seemed to ignore most of the taunts thrown his way, although he did fake a toss to some fans who screamed for a puck. At one point, he spotted Rangers backup goalie
It took Avery 10 seconds to throw the game's first hit against Rangers defenseman
In the last minute of the first period, Avery skated from the face-off circle to nail
In all, Avery skated 17 shifts for 14 minutes, threw five hits and was always the 500-pound No. 16 in the room. Ironically, the quote machine refused to talk to reporters before the game, issuing a statement instead. After the game, Avery sat at his locker, slowly removing his skates and the tape from his socks while reporters circled around waiting to ask the first question. After several minutes of silence, Avery raised his head and started talking: "You guys are all great," he said. "I love you, but I have to go and take my teammates out to dinner while they still like me."
At that, Avery began walking away. "Not even one question?" MSG Network's veteran broadcaster
"Thanks, guys," Avery said.
And to think the circus usually visits the Garden in springtime.
Fischler did manage to track Avery down in the corridor afterwards to get a few words from him. "It's the Garden," Avery said of the mixed reaction from the crowd. "That's why it's the greatest arena on Earth. I was actually enjoying the boos as much as the cheers."
On his pre-game exchange with Valiquette, Avery replied: "That's just me being me. He's a minor leaguer, and he's gotta get noticed and what better way than to talk about me."
When Fischler suggested that
Finally, in a moment of candor, Avery signed off, acknowledging Fischler's remark that he was one of the NHL's supreme villains.
"I'm very good at it," he said. "You should always stick to what you're good at."