There is absolutely nothing in this life that cannot be explained through the metaphor of professional wrestling. Nothing. Career advancement, politics, economics, relationships ... you name it. Everything in this world can be accurately represented through the trials and tribulations of grown men acting out imaginary plot lines and contorting each other into oddly-named physical positions. This is a fact.
I learned this last season when I took my first stab at
So, if only for a week, let's cast aside our normal Quick Slants format and focus on the types of things that you, the hungry reader, are clearly jonesing to read. Without further ado, it's the Second Annual Quick Slants BCS-to-Wrestlers column...
Listen up, Trojans. Last year, you were
Imagine this realistic scenario: Alabama and Texas Tech pick up losses before season's end, and Texas is left to battle out the final BCS championship spot with a one-loss team from the SEC. What happens then? Enter the
The question is not whether this will occur, but rather to what extremes Coach Brown is willing to go. The Longhorns are obviously an elite-level team which could potentially eke its way back into contention; however, it's most likely that they'll need some help. And as you may know, Brown has been known for his shameless acts of self-promotion in the past. So, would anyone be truly surprised if he resorted to Mr. Perfect's tactics of shooting promotional footage, touting his Longhorns as the superior choice? You know, because DVDs of
Penn State has become synonymous with
The Nittany Lions also represent a different style of football than that of the Big 12, SEC or Pac 10. It's knock-'em-down, drag-it-out football in Big Ten country, where team records don't delineate between glamorous, offensive victories and defensive wars. And while Penn State may not have any smoke-and-mirror tactics like Flair's testicular claw or eye rake, it does have the tenacity to grind out a close, sloppy game just like the Nature Boy himself.
Oh, and their uniforms match Flair's peroxide-white hair. Just sayin' ...
The thing about Florida is that it has elite caliber talent capable of leading the Gators to a national championship. The problem, though, in light of
This has been the issue with Cena as well. Obviously, he's got the square-jawed look and outgoing personality to succeed both inside and outside the ring -- let's not forget, he's also helped edge out
The Red Raiders, like the Rockers, are noted and admired for their pyrotechnic aerial attack, but the verdict is still out on whether they'll be able to sustain their current level of success and mount an assault on Miami. Last Saturday's win against Texas is sure to go down as one of the best games in college football this season, but in order to make it truly worthwhile, Tech will need to run a very difficult slate of games against Oklahoma State, Oklahoma, and a Big 12 North opponent to be named. And that remains the question.
You might remember a similar story about The Rockers, who originally lit the professional wrestling world on fire, developing a fan base and establishing themselves as an energetic duo. The formula worked for a while that is, until they started losing their appeal and
There's no question that Boise State has been living off the spoils of its run at the BCS in 2006-07 when it finished second in the final polls and upset Oklahoma in the Fiesta Bowl. Likewise, you could say Crush's career peaked after a squabble with
The struggle for both Boise and Crush has always been about credibility. Both have managed to steer along after their crowning achievements, but unfortunately, it seems like nobody cares. There's just not a magnetic niche for either. Boise's put together a solid year, but amid the loud drums of the BCS, it's likely to become nothing more than background noise. And Crush somehow found his way into an uncredited role in a Bollywood flick titled
The Sooners are a big, strong, explosive team that is virtually unstoppable during the regular season. However, when it comes time for the bright lights of a BCS bowl, things haven't quite gone according to the master plan.
Whether this team knows it or not, it is college football's version of the "Samoan Bulldozer," a massive, extremely nimble WWE talent who chews up and spits out opponents on RAW every single week. Just like Umaga, Oklahoma has become a "jobber" during pay-per-view events, seemingly helping opponents (read: Boise State and West Virginia) solidify themselves as more established college programs.
Just like the Crimson Tide,
Against all odds, though, the Crimson Tide has reversed course and become a major player in the BCS championship picture. However, a mode of caution is to be exercised. As was the case with Michaels, it is unclear as to whether Alabama has fully regained its championship swagger. With a pivotal game this weekend in Baton Rouge and a looming SEC championship game, doubts remain about how far this team can actually go.
Well, well, well...
USC's crushing defeat of Washington State has me thinking that you should consider betting against the Cougars in every circumstance, whether the line is 10 or 100. So, this week, I'm getting all mavericky and taking Arizona with an egregiously high line.
Last week: 2-1. Season: 7-5.