Is it just me, or has Super Bowl week lacked a certain buzz thus far? It's been hard to get excited about Tank Johnson's gun collection, Peyton Manning's thumb, or Rex Grossman's passer rating. Where's Joey Porter when you need him?
It's only Wednesday, so some story is bound to break and jack up the volume. But here are our mid-week suggestions for the 10 things Super Bowl XLI needs:
1. Lead changes. And plenty of 'em. Preferably two per quarter. I want back-and-forth to be the operative description of Sunday night's goings on. I want the scoring summary in the game book to be six inches long, and every score in the game to be answered by the opposing team. Is that too much to ask?
2. Bad weather. Maybe one of those Miami monsoons in the middle of the third quarter would add a degree of difficulty to Peyton Manning's and the Colts' passing game. Has there ever really been a significant weather event in a Super Bowl? I don't think so. I say a little wind, rain and a flash of lightning or two would make things downright memorable.
3. A brash guarantee of victory from one of the game's key participants. C'mon, this is Miami and the Colts are playing. It's a natural. Rex Grossman, we're looking in your direction. Look how it worked wonders for Joe Namath's career. Thirty-eight years later we're still talking about him and his little pre-game prediction.
4. A Tony Romo moment. Or a Jackie Smith-type gaffe if you prefer. The kind of horribly timed miscue that decides the game and keeps people talking about it for decades to come, haunting the poor soul who happens to commit it. Let's face it, Scott Norwood has done his time. Let's let someone else be the NFL's version of Bill Buckner for a while.
5. A Nick Saban sighting in the crowd on Sunday. Just the thought of the Nicktator being bold enough to show back up at Dolphin Stadium -- wearing, oh, let's say a Crimson Tide golf shirt -- would be the stuff memories are made of. It goes almost without saying that it would also be hazardous to his health.
6. The best Super Bowl commercial of all time, starring, of course, Peyton Manning. Time's a wastin', Madison Avenue. Let's get cracking, and remember to think outside the box.
7. A game-turning trick play right out of the Boise State playbook. We want something we've never seen before, or even imagined. Something that makes Antwaan Randle El's fake-reverse 43-yard touchdown pass to Hines Ward in last year's Super Bowl look like mere child's play by comparison.
8. A bone-jarring midfield collision of Manning and Brian Urlacher. Manning, of course, would get the short end of that deal, so maybe later in the game we could make it up to him by having him juke out Urlacher in the open field for a key first down, a'la Tom Brady at Gillette this season.
9. Just the right kind of response to the tricky Fidel Castro death watch that has certain sections of Miami poised for ... I don't know what. I keep hearing that the NFL's biggest party of the year could seem small and quaint compared to the celebration that could ensue here if the longtime Cuban El Presidente passes away at some point before the Super Bowl packs up and leaves town. A city-sponsored committee is even looking into staging a party at the Orange Bowl that would occur shortly after Castro's death. It's a bit creepy.
10. Prince has a wardrobe malfunction at halftime. Check that, if Prince so much as even thinks about flashing a little nipple, I'm outta here.