By Jack McCallum
May 22, 2009
The Week's Worst In Sports
Relationships gone bad -- I and II

As the Giants' Eli Manning weighed in on Plaxico Burress -- "It's not like we need to have him" -- Bengals signal-caller Carson Palmer opined that he doesn't expect Chad Ochocinco (née Johnson) to be around all season and that there definitely will be "a new look for the Bengals' receiver corps."
Relationships gone bad -- III

Anthone Lott has been charged with defrauding Fred Weary, his ball-hawking mate on Florida's 1996 national championship team, of about $185,000 on a construction project in Gainesville.
The guy went 16-18 -- you do the math

The university has filed a lawsuit seeking to invalidate a secret agreement between former athletic director Bob Krause and former football coach Ron Prince that would've paid Prince (whom Krause fired after two seasons) more than $3 million in deferred compensation.
These USC guys just can't stop making waves

While collecting points for his taste in supermodels, his abs and even his new-century-Hasselhoffian look, the Jets' rookie set himself up for failure if he doesn't set New York on fire after his GQ swimsuit spread, conjuring up memories of another ex-Trojans signal-caller, Matt Leinart, in the hot tub.
Perhaps the Prez could better grasp the intricacies if he had to deal with the Doritos Mideast Crisis, the Nokia Iran Threat and the Federal Express Recession

The Big 10 commissioner, a staunch supporter of the Bowl Championship Series, believes BCS critic Barack Obama doesn't understand "the complexity of the issue."
Hmm, perhaps a deep thinker like Jim Delaney could get to the real reason

The Steelers' linebacker first claimed he didn't want to visit the White House because he believed his team wouldn't have been invited had it lost the Super Bowl (which is true), but later said he didn't want to go because he has a fear of flying.
So, the headline is not about anything rising from the ashes

As the city faces the possible loss of the NHL's Coyotes, who are facing Chapter 11, Suns star Amar'e Stoudemire, who can opt out of his contact after next season, told that "you'll find me elsewhere" if the franchise does not put together what he considers the right pieces for a championship.
Maximum inches for minimum result

The driver drew the largest penalty in NASCAR history (12-race suspension, 200 docked points, $200,000 fine for his crew chief) after his switched-out engine was found to have exceeded NASCAR's specs for maximum cubic inch displacement ... in a race in which he finished last in a 35-car field.
Any chance the ol' wide receiver himself could, you know, become a contestant? We'd like to see that

Michael Irvin's reality show, which features 12 nobodies trying to gain an invite to Dallas Cowboys camp, is most notable for Irvin's contrived hard-ass attitude and the candidates' upchucking and getting jeered when they are carried off the field.
All in all, Dad's Presidential bid went a lot better

The lawsuit filed by Rudy's son against Duke after he was kicked off the Blue Devils' golf team was laughingly dismissed by a judge accompanied by a series of golf jokes ("His [Giuliani's] analysis slices far from the fairways" and "Plaintiff attempts to take a mulligan with this argument") and even references to Carl Spackler, the bungling greenskeeper in Caddyshack.
New Kentucky coach John Calipari on the news that the Wildcats have landed prized recruit John Wall, about whom he could not specifically speak until the papers were signed:

"This is unbelievable. Tomorrow we will !#$@+&%# that %&$* %&:; has $@~'%# to *2$( at %&%#&%$. Can u believe this!"


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