By Jack McCallum
April 10, 2009
The Week's Worst In Sports
We have to assume they have Vick on their radar

Though president Mike Brown pledged to rid his team of its much-deserved rep as a haven for jailbirds, free-agent defensive tackle Tank Johnson, who has been suspended for weapons charges and other indiscretions over the years, was added to the roster.
See, Tank Johnson doesn't need a Taser -- you need a Taser to protect you from guys like Tank Johnson

NFL players and other celebrities attending a Playboy golf event received a Taser in their goodie bags.
Look, we're not sure whether he's ever taken illegal drugs or not, but these guys have sicced everyone but Inspector Clouseau on him and haven't found anything yet

AFLD, France's anti-doping agency, said Lance Armstrong violated its rules by taking a shower and not remaining in sight of the doctor conducting a random drug test at his house.
It turns out that Yanni is the composer, which explains a lot

CBS' endless Masters promos, which began a couple of weeks ago, once again feature that saccharine piano music that suggests we're about to cut to a Hallmark movie of the week, not a golf tournament.
Football and family -- I

Jack Elway, son of the Hall of Fame quarterback, quit the team during Arizona State's spring practices, apparently ending three generations of Elway footballers.
Football and family -- II

Iowa's James Ferentz, a redshirt freshman offensive lineman and son of head coach Kirk Ferentz, was one of three Hawkeyes players charged with public intoxication, prompting the coach to say, in a prepared statement, "It was very disappointing to learn of the behavior of our three players last night."
OK, LeBron, D-Wade, Dwight Howard and the Celtics ... what else you got?

Continuing a trend, at least one good team from the West (this year it's the Phoenix Suns) will not make the playoffs, even though it will finish with a better record than all but the four best teams in the East, where it's possible that three sub-.500 teams will qualify for the postseason.
But look at the bright side -- Lane Kiffin is gone

The signing of veteran quarterback Jeff Garcia, who will not be content as a backup to JaMarcus Russell, will invariably launch a quarterback controversy in Al Davis Land.
This is just a crazy hunch, but we think Dick Vitale will kind of like this guy

New Memphis coach Josh Pastner ran his own scouting service when he was 13, coached an AAU team at 16, played as a walk-on at Arizona, earned his undergraduate degree in three years by taking as many as 30 credits per semester, got his master's in one year, and got John Calipari's high-profile job even though he's only 31.
Perks like this, and they were only 7-6?

Wisconsin senior linebacker Jonathan Casillas told WKOW-TV in Madison that players frequently used excess money from room-and-board scholarship stipends to buy such things as "a moped or maybe even a car."
UFC commentator/comedian Joe Rogan on psychedelics and reincarnation:

"Anyone that's ever had a psychedelic experience will tell you that there are things that can be seen with the simplest, most seemingly innocuous action like the digestion of a plant or a fungus and they can provide the most mind-blowing experience a human being to ever possibly be exposed to.Little mushrooms that grow everywhere naturally, and if you eat them without going anywhere you will be exposed to art and wisdom and visions that are completely beyond descriptions ...? Try describing it to someone that hasn't experienced it, though. They'll give you the exact look that they would give you if you said you believed in reincarnation. I've had psychedelic experiences that were impossibly bizarre and in them I communicated with energy that was impossibly wise and infinitely interconnected with the very structure of the entire universe. My point is, that after a good DMT [stands for Dimethyltryptamin; we Googled it] trip the idea of reincarnation doesn't even sound a little outlandish. It's certainly unprovable, but I don't think it's any more strange to think we live different lives, over and over again than it is to wrap our minds around the fact that we live ANY life at all. All life is f------ nuts."
Tell us who you think should make The Bottom 10

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