JIM McMAHON What's next? Ditka flacking Levitra? Oh, wait, he already did that
The former bad-boy Bears QB is endorsing a product called Male Vitality Performance, which, according to McMahon, will "make you a champion in the bedroom."
TERRELL OWENS They have an excuse, T.O. -- they're retired
The Buffalo Bills' wide receiver will join Jeff Kent, Jennifer Capriati and Robert Horry, among other athletes, on ABC's revival of The Superstars, the celebrity sports competition that will team the jocks with such Z-listers as Ali Landry, Dan Cortese, Paige Hemmis, Joanna Krupa and Julio Iglesias Jr.
INDOOR VOLLEYBALL Right now, hundreds of young male reporters are angling for a new beat
Interest in the gym version of the set-and-spike sport is bound to decline after the NCAA announced that it has approved "sand volleyball" (read: long-legged women wearing skimpy two-piece suits) as an emerging sport.
NASCAR CREDIBILITY Somewhere, Junior Johnson is scoffing into his moonshine
After first announcing that there would be no penalties for the paint-trading incident between Casey Mears and Dale Earnhardt Jr. at Phoenix International Speedway, the organization, having heard past criticism that it favors Junior, hit both drivers with a six-race probation.
GOLF VIDEO GAME It's kind of a preview of the 2010 Ryder Cup
"Ghetto Golf," developed by a Denver-based company, features a character who has to knock his ball off of a series of inner-city hazards, such as dumpsters and exploding gas stations, and overcome, by various violent means, other obstacles such as gangsters, rogue cops and fellow golfers.
JACKSONVILLE JAGUARS One small step toward improving on that 5-11 record
Believing, according to owner Wayne Weaver, that "we should establish a more permanent identity," the franchise "challenged the staff of the NFL to tweak our uniform so it would stand the test of time," and kicked off a new chapter by ... adding more teal to the home jerseys.
JIMMY SMITH Can I get those prison fatigues in teal?
The former Jaguars receiver, one of the franchise's greatest players, faces multiple drug charges and one for driving with a suspended license after police who pulled him over for excessive window tint found crack cocaine and marijuana.
CANADIENS CROWD Sure, we make a lot of Canada jokes, but we're always very respectful during your incredibly repetitive anthem
Continuing a tradition, the playing of The Star Spangled Banner at Bell Centre drew a chorus of boos before Game 3 of the Canadiens-Bruins series, a scene that was not repeated before Game 4 after Montreal general manager/coach Bob Gainey admonished the crowd.
CHASE FIELD Apparently, they're dissatisfied with the team's slow start
Grasshoppers, always a problem this time of year in the Valley of the Sun, have invaded the playing field, dugouts, seats and pressbox of the Arizona Diamondbacks home field.
POST-FIGHT TRANSLATIONS How do you say, "I sucked" in Portuguese?
The Fight Network reported that Anderson Silva's translator and manager, Ed Soares, misrepresented what the MMA star said after his uninspiring victory against Thales Leites because he wanted fans to think that the fighter had apologized for his performance.
THIS WEEK'S MOST CAPTIVATING BLOG LPGA glamour girl Natalie Gulbis on her appreciation of Ivanka Trump's jewelry line, her scorn of a country music star and her shocking ouster from Celebrity Apprentice:
"This week's task was to host a charity auction for the Ivanka Trump jewelry line. Unfortunately, we did not raise the most money, and we lost. Mr. Trump and Ivanka thought that one of the main reasons we lost was because the selected jewelry was not visible enough from the runway. And because I was in charge of picking the jewelry, I was the one to go. I found that choosing the jewelry was extremely difficult because all of Ivanka's jewelry designs are stunning. While in the board room that night, I was sure that Clint Black would be fired. I thought he should have been fired last week, and I thought that this week was possibly his time. I also thought it might be Joan [Rivers], because she was the project manager, and we did lose the task by $150K. In the end, even though I was the second leading fundraiser on our team, I ended up being fired. I did, however, feel that it was the nicest way I could have been fired."