By Jack McCallum
March 13, 2009
The Week's Worst In Sports
He misconstrued the term "open field"

The former NFL running back was jailed in his hometown of Frostproof, Fla., for falling behind in his child-support payments, understandable since, as he admitted to the New York Times, he fathered nine children, each from a different mother, some born only a few months apart.
If only Travis Henry had heard about this

Calling it "Vas Madness," the institute is using the NCAA tournament as a marketing tool to encourage vasectomies, having set aside 24 prime slots at the beginning of the tournament and reminding prospective patients that a few days of rest (in front of the television) is mandatory after the procedure.
An indignity that was somehow spared Travis Henry

The girlfriend of the Tampa Bay Buccaneers' linebacker was charged with aggravated battery after allegedly stabbing him in the head with a pair of scissors during a domestic dispute.
Further proof that stats aren't all they're cracked up to be

Sergio Garcia is ranked second in the Official World Golf Rankings and could take over the top spot from Tiger Woods with a strong finish at Doral even though the Spaniard has never won a major and has finished in the top 10 in just two of the last eight.
He wouldn't have blown this off to play with Sergio

The celebration for one of football's first families had father Archie and youngest son Eli in attendance but not older son Peyton, who skipped out to keep a golf date with Tiger Woods.
Wait a minute -- she's not a washed-up celebrity, yet

The LPGA glamour girl is among this season's contestants on Donald Trump's Celebrity Apprentice.
Will somebody please give this guy a gig on Celebrity Apprentice

The martial arts legend/Obama foe, fed up with the what he sees as government intervention that could turn the United States into a "totalitarian country," is talking about running for "president of Texas" and has written about the Lone Star State's history of secession.
We're consulting an NIT bracketologist to ask about the Bearcats' postseason prospects

After railing against ESPN bracketologist Joe Lunardi for predicting that his team would not make the NCAA tournament, the Cincinnati coach saw his team blow any chance of doing so by losing six of its last seven games, including three to Big East doormats South Florida, Seton Hall and DePaul.
Actually, the club supports his free-speech rights, but will absolutely not tolerate poor spelling

The NFL franchise fired an employee for writing on his Facebook page that the club was "retarted" for allowing veteran safety Brian Dawkins to sign with the Broncos.
The biggest turkey will stay on the menu

The issue of ending the Detroit Lions' tradition of hosting a Turkey Day game (which began in 1934) will apparently not be brought up at the upcoming NFL meetings, even though the league's most pathetic franchise has lost seven of the last eight, including five in a row by an average of 23 points.
George Wrightster, Jacksonville Jaguars tight end, on his thoughts about the perfect life companion:

When a man is looking for a wife, he's supposed to be searching for a woman of high moral character who will take good care of him, turn his house into a happy home, and be there to support him and help him and the family grow mentally, physically, and spiritually, and is attractive to him. (Because these qualities are very important) While you are looking for all that, you may not get a beauty queen but a great woman with a great heart. Would you rather have eye candy on your arm that may leave you in 5-7 years, or a good woman that may not have the look of the stereotypical "athletes wife" but will be your best friend for a lifetime?
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