ANY SENSE OF PERSPECTIVE ABOUT THE NFL Five years ago, this would've an item in The Onion
ESPN rolled out a two-hour show titled SportsCenter Special: Schedule Release to coincide with the league's announcement of its 2009 slate of games.
COWBOYS-REDSKINS RIVALRY A couple of guys got overly excited when they noticed Nov. 22 and Dec. 27 on that Schedule Release show
At a traffic-light stop in Washington, D.C., a Redskins fans jumped out of his car and ripped a Dallas Cowboys flag off of another car, prompting the Cowboys fan to punch the Redskins fan in the face.
INTERNATIONAL SOCCER Asian Soccer Schedule Release 2010 is going to be a blast
South Korea's football association, convinced that Bahrain's top soccer executive had threatened Korea's top soccer official by saying he would "cut off his head," reported the Bahrainian, Mohamed bin Hammam, to FIFA, the game's international governing body.
DRAFT EVALUATIONS Which is how we feel when we listen to draft evaluators
One NFL exec, pointing to character issues, told Pro Football Weekly that choosing among five skilled but flawed players -- Texas Tech's Michael Crabtree, Illinois' Vontae Davis, Florida's Percy Harvin, USC's Rey Maualuga and Boston College's B.J. Raji -- was like trying to decide between whether he'd rather "eat cow manure, drink monkey urine or ingest rabbit turds."
ROD BLAGOJEVICH We're guessing that Sweet Lou's response made Blago's hair stand up, you know, even more
The Chicago Tribune reported that the disgraced ex-governor of Illinois sent manager Lou Piniella a note suggesting lineup changes during a Cubs losing streak in 2007.
FOX'S CREEPY SPORTS FAN Bald and mute? Well, it's not Blago
As part of the network's cross-promotional strategy, a bald man, the Observer from Fringe, has been showing up at sporting events and just staring straight ahead, not doing or saying anything in keeping with his enigmatic character.
ESQUIRE We're not laughing -- the same thing has happened to us
After the magazine went to press with a happy-ending story (an extremely good one by the way) about Todd Marinovich, the former quarterback/heroin addict was arrested and could be sent back to prison for missing a court-mandated progress review on his rehabilitation.
FRANK CALIENDO The good news: He does a spot-on Joe Buck
John Madden's retirement puts the broadcasting legend out of the public eye and in all likelihood stunts the already stunted career path of the impersonator.
FIRED 100-0 VICTORY COACH MICAH GRIMES Yeah, one in which he should've sat back in a 2-1-2 zone, stopped running fast breaks off of turnovers, stopped contesting inside shots, and stopped attempting three-pointers even before building a 59-0 halftime lead
The former Covenant High School coach, who hung the much-covered century shutout on Dallas High School in January, said he has "nothing to apologize for" and that it was "just another game."
NOTRE DAME Nothing, however, changes the fact that Rudy got in the game and made that last tackle
Just as the Irish were learning that billionaire T. Boone Pickens and legend Roger Staubach are among a group that is trying to move the College Football Hall of Fame from South Bend, Ind., to Dallas, the news came that junior Luke Harangody, one of the best basketball players in school history, will enter the NBA draft.
THIS WEEK'S MOST CAPTIVATING TWEET Phoenix Suns center Shaquille O'Neal on his offseason plans:
"The season end tomorro, my diet starts friday, I wanna b a supermodel Underwear style (briefs)"