|NFL Power Rankings|
Houston Texans (5-6)Will this parade of 5-6s never end? Sunday they're at Tennessee. This will serve a double purpose, get rid of a 5-6 and a 6-5 in one swell foop, uh, fell swoop.
Buffalo Bills (5-6)Now they've gone back to Trent Edwards. What's the record for replacing quarterbacks? No one will ever come close. One year in Dallas, Tom Landry alternated Roger Staubach and Craig Morton on every play.
Cincinnati Bengals (4-7)I wrote it. My handicapping formula said that they were in for a big win over Tennessee. I had set my price at Tennessee minus 4 ½. The opening line out of Vegas came up pick' em. A no-brainer, a slam dunk, they were begging you to bet the Titans. Not me, folks. Then the most vicious of all qualities raised it's ugly head. Logical thought. The Bengals are a dysfunctional team, etcetera, etcetera. So I picked Tennessee in the magazine. And took the pipe, naturally. The problem is that when you're abnormally good looking, you can't be smart, too.
Carolina Panthers (4-7)You see, that's why you don't see all that many 44-year old quarterbacks in the NFL. They wake up on game day and their back is so bad they can't move. Maybe next week it'll be sore feet, or a stiff neck. Cus D'Amato, the fight manager, once said that a fighter could last into his 50s, as long as he didn't lose the ability to train with the same intensity. I'm not so sure. There's such a thing as waking up with a bad back.
Kansas City Chiefs (4-7)Kolby Smith, drafted in the fifth round this year, 150 yards against the Raiders, most for a K.C. runner this season. Is Larry Johnson still on the team? Yeah, but he never hit his C note and a half this year. 'Tis the season of freaky statistics, fa la la la la.
Oakland Raiders (3-8)We're not through. Justin Fargas, 139 yards Sunday. Third round draft choice in '03. Never got a chance until now. Has 717 yards for the season. Lamont Jordan and Dominic Rhodes, who collected significant free-agent cash from the club, have 549 total. Do they still have scouts out there?
Baltimore Ravens (4-7)Let's put it this way. If they sweep the table, starting with the Patriots on Sunday, they could end up 9-7 and in the postseason. You want me to do what? Save this kind of trash for Tuesday morning, when the garbage man comes? Look, my grandmother always told me that if you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all, which, as you know, is impossible for me.
Atlanta Falcons (3-8)Do they keep dropping passes because they don't like Joey Harrington, or Byron Leftwich, or whoever else is on the other end of them? Could they use psychiatric help with this problem? I counted four against Indy. The guy on TV counted five. I guess I'm an easy grader. Why are you laughing? Of course I watched this game. It's my thing, it's what I do. (The nerve of that person).
San Francisco 49ers (3-8)Finally some big, thumping running by Frank Gore. Linda, what am I going to write now? Correct, you got it. TOO LATE.
New York Jets (2-9)Is this the first time in history an 0-11 team was ever favored over anybody? I'm too tired to research it, but the Dolphins, at home, opened at minus-1. Of course, it's pick'em now, and who knows what it'll be by kickoff, but for that one brief moment, history could have been ... OK, Linda, you're right. I am getting very tired.
St. Louis Rams (2-9)There's this guy I know in St. Louis named Howard who counts offensive linemen. This is what he's got for the Rams -- five different right guards this season, five right tackles, four left guards, two left tackles, two centers. Gosh, putting 18 guys in front of Bulger ought to stop somebody, right?
Miami Dolphins (0-11)Ricky Williams made his long awaited comeback, after sitting out two NFL seasons, carried six times and was lost for the season with a torn pectoral muscle. Priest Holmes was out for the equivalent of two seasons. He started in two games and then retired. Running backs who sit out a for a year or more seldom come back, the notable exception being John Riggins, but Riggo was a different player when he returned. He had lost the niftiness he once possessed, no longer was he a threat as a pass receiver. He returned as a big diesel, a heavy duty banger. It's possible to come back, just not likely.