|NFL Power Rankings|
Washington Redskins (5-3)Tell me, please, what I'm missing. LaRon Landry was just fined a game check, or $16,764, for roughing the passer. Multiply that by 16 games and you've got $268,224. OK, I'll even go up to 17 games, which is the amount of weeks in the regular season, to be a sport, and that will put it at $285,000, rounding it off. Now we know that he gets paid more than that. Is only the bare bones figure, minus the lollipops, calculated here, and if so, why? First CPA or actuary to supply the answer gets the prize, a 20-minute conversation with Andrew.
Jacksonville Jaguars (5-3)Rookie linebacker Justin Durant did not make the New Orleans trip because he was busted late Friday night for, "resisting arrest without violence." Does this mean ... "I'm very sorry, officer, but I simply refuse to accompany you. Is that clear?" Jack Del Rio called his team together to address "behavioral problems." Seems that every other day during my grade school career I brought a note home to my mother expressing the need to discuss those very same things.
San Diego Chargers (4-4)Antonio Cromartie had the longest run in league history. My classmate at Stanford, John Swanson, had the longest run in the history of Pendroy, Montana, (pop.80) High School. "My sophomore year, I had to line up against some guy who was a returning war hero," John told me. "He had a mustache and an earring in one ear, in honor of some battle that only 15 guys or something survived. I took one look at that guy, turned around and ran out of the stadium, two miles, to my home. Longest run in Pendroy history. Two miles"
New Orleans Saints (4-4)Reggie Bush has topped 100 all-purpose yards in three out of the last four weeks. So what are all-purpose yards, anyway? Why, rushing and receiving combined. Hmmm, in the old days they used to mention "total offense," which combined rushing and passing yardage. They don't do that anymore, in fact it's not even listed. But do you want to know the record for all-purpose yards? Well, you came to the right person because I just looked it up. Flipper Anderson of the L.A. Rams gained 336 against the Saints in 1989. And all those yards were from passes caught.
Seattle Seahawks (4-4)This is the moment I dreaded. The Hawks got killed and I failed to lower them. But there are no teams left with winning records. And everybody , going all the way down to Houston at 21 last week, got beaten, some pretty severely. And who did the Texans beat? Oakland. Hoo. Ray. For the next 10 spaces or so, I'll be the three B's-Brief, Boring and Apologetic. "Wait a minute ... that's not ... " says someone who's trying to interrupt my train of thought, which went off the track a long time ago.
Carolina Panthers (4-4)Some people might think ex-Texan David Carr came to Carolina for money and job opportunities. It's not true. He came to get away from the Titans. In 10 starts against them he had been sacked 33 times. And now, after the 11th start, the number is up to 40. Hey, guys: Block somebody!
Buffalo Bills (4-4)Did they ever whine about all their injuries? Hell, no. People don't whine in Buffalo, except about Norwood's wide right. Free safety George Wilson just transferred over from the offense this year. Middle linebacker John Diorgio, undrafted from Saginaw Valley State, as most people are, figured he'd be backing up Paul Posluszny for a decade or so. Cornerback Jabari Greer had the look of a career back-up until an injury thrust him into the bright glare of the Buffalo glitzkrieg. He's the guy who knocked down the T.O. extra point pass in the Dallas game, remember? Good guys. I should have made them higher.
Kansas City Chiefs (4-4)OK, you slobs, keep this line moving. The Chiefs are holding onto a six-point lead but, uh oh, Brett Favre's got the Pack on the move. They come out in a bunch formation, trips right, three wideouts. OK, we've got one DB, and two DB's, and you over there, what's your number? Huh? It's 59, a linebacker's number. Too late. Favre finds the mismatch, hits Greg Jennings for 60 yards and it's lights out, with LB Donnie Edwards in hot pursuit. So tell me, please, Chiefs. Why, oh why, oh why-o, why didn't you call a bit of a time-out-o, and get the coverage straightened out?
Denver Broncos (3-5)I'm depressed, having to stop at this way station. They were too high last week. They're too high this week. Is their QB's leg really hurt? Too bad, poor devil, but getting back to the argument, they'll be too high again next week.
Houston Texans (4-5)Every one of Sage Rosenfels' TD passes this year have come in the fourth quarter. He had a fourth-period rating of 125.1 going into the Oakland victory, and who knows how high it is now, after going three-for-three for 57 yards and a TD on Sunday? So why aren't the Texans higher? Oh, you think you're annoyed, do you? Wait 'til we get down to the Vikings.