BECKHAM'S L.A. FANS Not exactly a Hollywood ending
Barely a year after his blockbuster debut, it looks like the Hollywood story of the hunky midfielder/Posh Spice S.O. will fade out anticlimactically with him playing out the string for the Major League Soccer's Galaxy after he completes his real job with AC Milan in July.
THE ATMOSPHERE AT VALLEY RANCH There must be a way to get Pacman Jones back
The careers of several TV and print journalists -- accustomed to beginning their stories with "Controversial wide receiver Terrell Owens today criticized ..." -- got significantly duller when the Dallas Cowboys unceremoniously dumped T.O.
DARRYL STRAWBERRY Also, the steroids wouldn't have mixed with the coke
The former Mets slugger, in empathizing with Alex Rodriguez's steroid use, says that "Hell, yeah, I would've used them," but that he was "too old" to try them by the time they came around in the '90s when he was a backup.
MLB NETWORK Only a real baseball man, though, has Fernando Vina on the tip of his tongue
After learning that he had mistakenly said "Fernando Vina" when he meant to say "Fernando Valenzuela," host Matt Vasgersian said, on the air: "What the f--- is that?"
NASCAR IMAGE If we weren't so mature, we'd make a "Smokey and the Bandit" joke
Dean Combs, a former driver and crew chief for Junior Johnson, was charged with "making non-tax paid liquor" after a 300-gallon still was found on his North Carolina property.
YANKEES TICKET PLAN Has anyone told these guys they haven't won a World Series since 2000?
The Pinstripers' inaugural season ticket plan in the new stadium includes a field-level seat that costs $26,325.
ORIOLES TICKET PLAN Then again, a season ticket doesn't cost 26 grand
A Baltimore fan can get a free ticket for a game at Camden Yards during the month of his or her birthday, although not for any of the 19 dates when the O's are playing either the Yankees or the Red Sox.
CARMELO ANTHONY At least he's no Scottie Pippen
Reversing the celebrated trend of staying on the bench when a coach orders you onto the court, the Denver Nuggets forward refused to come out of the game and was suspended for a game.
OKLAHOMA'S OFFENSIVE LINE Now that's an offensive line
It would be an understatement to say that Coach Bob Stoops called out his QB protectors at the start of spring practice, saying that they are the "weak link of the team," that their "work ethic" and "attitude" need to improve, and that they've been "very inconsistent that way in how they work and their toughness and discipline."
THE TV SPORTS GRID Stoops wanted the gig, but he was afraid his O-line would embarrass the whole state
Though spring games are generally tedious affairs of significance mostly to coaches, alumni and draftniks, ESPN will do a national broadcast of Alabama's A-Day intrasquad scrimmage on April 18.
This Week's Most Captivating Twitter Update Shaquille O'Neal, on trying to deconstruct a piece of music:
"Weee weee wha weee weee wha weee wee weeee what's song is this"