Guest MMQB: Austen Lane on the struggle to succeed on- and off-field
Tweets of the Week
How am I supposed to pick a Tweet of the Week when the only things out there were the hashtag #Merica, reviews of the new Jay-Z and Amanda Bynes ensuring herself a nice window view at a mental institution?
Ten Things I Think I Think
1. I think if I'm not collecting medical compensation from the NFL health insurance policy by the time this column is posted, thanks to my Fourth of July combination of Illegal fireworks, Red Bull and YOLOing, then I may have failed as an American.
2. I think we need to bring waterboarding out of retirement and find whoever is responsible for the high-waisted jean shorts females are rocking this summer. I've campaigned on behalf of this idea for a while. I don't know if this is God's punishment for the yoga pants movement, but someone needs to be held responsible.
3. I think The Discovery Channel has to give the people what they want: please upgrade to Shark Month! It's bad enough that the prestigious week occurs when I'm in training camp every year, but what's the point of only going for a week? The shark is the relentless juggernaut of the animal kingdom, and it needs to have the month it deserves.
4. I think as social media grows, people's self-satisfaction diminishes. There used to be a time when people could go to the gym and not have to post a picture of themselves -- they were just satisfied being healthy, they didn't care what other people thought. Keep it in perspective people, it's not as if likes or retweets are going to be our nation's currency in the future.
5. I think we need to ban the clichés from Twitter. If I have to look at one more NFL player with his shirt off in a sepia-toned picture with the caption "There is no offseason" or "Doing work" I might lose it. Let's not stop there, how about the phrase "Rise and grind?" Is "Rise and grind" some sort of visual subconscious B12 shot where, whenever you see it, you immediately get amped and want to bench press three times your body weight?
6. I think the world of science is skewed and immoral. How did we develop the capabilities to clone a sheep almost 10 years ago, but we still can't solve the 80-year-old problem of Milk Duds sticking to the backs of our teeth?
7. I think tattoos are starting to become a big part of today's culture, and you should never judge a person based on their ink ... unless they have a tribal armband, then by all means judge the crap out of that person.
8. I think the architect of Arrowhead Stadium deserves a raise. I'm not sure who designed that audible Pandora's box but it's by far the loudest stadium in the NFL. Then you mix that with some of the most diehard fans in football? Needless to say, I'm excited for this season.
BURKE: What to expect from Chiefs' new-look offense
9. I think the media needs to pay more attention to the good things happening in sports. I understand we live in a world that loves drama and feeds off of confrontation, but for every athlete that messes up there are 20 out there doing something inspirational, and their stories deserve to be heard as well.
10. I think ... actually, I know that this has been an honor and I am blessed Peter considered me for the job. The experience has been outside my comfort zone, and in turn have made me a better writer. Thanks for reading, and look out for some of my other work down the road.