By 90Min
December 19, 2017

After claiming that he could 'do the job at any club in the world' following West Ham's mini revival under him, David Moyes has somewhat made another mockery of himself after salvaging some shreds of respect from the footballing world of late. 

As impressive as the Hammers' recent run has been, consisting of wins over Chelsea and Stoke as well as a draw against Arsenal, Moyes' confidence in his own abilities seems somewhat misguided, as those who have watched on whilst the Scot has failed in his last three jobs know full well that the 54-year-old probably couldn't do the job at any club in the world.

In light of the bizarre comment, here's a list of some jobs that the former Everton boss most certainly couldn't do, no matter how confident he seems in his own ability...


Human Resources Representative

Human Resources, or 'HR' as it's more commonly known. A department which focuses on the well being of a company's employees and enforces their human rights. In David Moyes' case, after threatening to slap a female reporter as a result of her asking a fairly normal question following another defeat for the Scot, perhaps Moyesey wouldn't be best suited to a role in this particular area of work. 

Image by Billy Meyers

Translator


You have to give the Scot some credit for jumping into the deep end and taking the reigns at Real Sociedad following his Old Trafford nightmare, but his attempts at learning the Spanish lingo whilst at the club were more than laughable. 

His efforts to pronounce the name of Spanish midfielder Asier Illarramendi in a press conference led to Moyes sounding more like he had been electrocuted mid sentence, whilst his comical endeavours into the native language of his surroundings took another turn when he momentarily refrained from speaking English only to utter the words 'dos, tres, cuatro' before realising his knowledge of Spanish stretched no further. 

So, yeah, maybe stay away from the translation trade in the future, David. 


Life Coach


To be a life coach, one must be energetic, motivating and inspirational. You only need to take one look at the 54-year-old to see that he isn't really any of these things, and forgetting the Irons' mini run of form this statement rings true for the Scot at this last three jobs. 

We shall go back to his time at Sunderland to further emphasise our point here. Just two games into the season with the Black Cats, Moyes declared that his side were in a relegation battle. 

A true statement perhaps, but at least instil a bit of confidence in your side early on, eh Dave?

Image by Billy Meyers

Clairvoyant


One humorous constant that many Manchester United fans will tell you from Moyes' underwhelming press conferences was his inability to accurately predict the fortunes of his Red Devils. 

On more that one occasion, Moyes would claim that his side were 'unlucky' and that he 'senses we're about to get a bit better'. Alas, his United side did not get any better, and he was handed his P45 before the season was over. 

Your senses may have been slightly off, David. 

Image by Billy Meyers

Timekeeper


Another entertaining moment supplied by Moyes was the time he held onto the ball away to Tottenham as Sunderland manager, counting the seconds for Ben Davies to come over and take it off him in a bid to prove that Spurs were time wasting. 

In reality, Moyes probably wasted more time in proving this point, and judging by how fast he was counting, we wouldn't put our money on him being a successful timekeeper...


Premier League Fixture Organiser


"I think it's the hardest start for 20 years that Manchester United have had. I hope it's not because Manchester United won the league quite comfortably last year (that) the fixtures have been made much more difficult. 


I find it hard to believe that's the way the balls came out of the bag, that's for sure. But if it is a hard start for Manchester United, it is a hard start for everyone else because they have to play us.’’ 

ANDREW YATES/GettyImages

The above is what dear old Moyesey had to say about the start to his Manchester United career fixture wise.

We're not sure what's more hilarious; the fact that the Scot still thinks the fixtures are drawn out of a bag in ball form in an age where computers do the job, or the fact that he felt the organisers gave him a harder start due to the Red Devils' title win from the previous campaign, ignorant to the fact that United had won 13 titles beforehand and never experienced such a dilemma. 


Actual Football Manager


Apart from respectable spells at Preston and Everton, Moyes' spells at Manchester United, Real Sociedad and Sunderland were abysmal and showed no signs of improvement or tactical advancements.

His quotes from his time at United such as 'I don't know what we have to do to win' show that even Moyes isn't actually sure of how to eke results at the top level.

He can only prove me and everyone else wrong at West Ham...

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